The symptoms of spasmodic dysphonia started to intensify shortly after the summer of 2008. It became more and more pronounced in 2009 when I was dealing with a major crisis in my life.
How has SD affected me?
Tremendously. We take our voices for granted. So much is expressed through the voice. All the nuances of our emotions, our thoughts, and our temperaments. With SD, a lot of those layers that add so much depth to speech disappear. What's left is a strangled, garbled tone that is even more difficult to understand over the phone. The strangled tone is a form of Adductor SD because the muscles/nerves around the voice box contract, squeezing the voice box so very little air comes through. Abductor SD is characterized by a breathy sound because there is too much air being pushed through.
Treatment options range from natural healing techniques like yoga, acupuncture, reiki, massage to more conventional forms like Botox and surgery. Botox has been proven to work in the short-term, giving SD sufferers two to three months of a normal functioning voice. But it, like so many other drugs in the repertoire of western medicine, are band-aid solutions to illness and disease. Surgery has also worked, but I am not sure at this time if it's a permanent solution, as most sites on SD state that the symptoms reappear. This is something I will have to check with a specialist, of course.
I am still teaching surprisingly enough. I teach ESL at a school that has kept its doors open to me and my garbled voice. Both the staff and the students have been quite supportive, and when I don't make it an issue, they don't either. It's the energy I put out to others. If I see my voice as a hindrance, then I'll have a lot more roadblocks to deal with. I find it's far more effective to walk into a situation with confidence, honesty, and belief. I think this is what's helped me deal with the drastic change in my voice.
Sure, I've scared a few people away, but are they really worth my time? Nope! The ones who've stood by me, treated me like I'm normal (which we all are - normal in our uniqueness) are the ones who I call my friends and my family.
Relaxation is the key though. If I'm not relaxed around people and get stressed, it'll immediately show up in my voice. The SD symptoms intensify if I talk about anything related to what happened in the past that might have caused the SD, what's happening now to some of my friends and family, world affairs like war, poverty, violence, disease..basically anything related to the misfortune of people who affect me.
SO, I've placed myself inside a very happy bubble to help me relax and to appreciate the gift of innocence. This is why I choose to remain positive. People might criticize me for being this way - like I'm blind to the despair raging in this world, but I am just as much aware of that despair like everyone else - and at times, more so than others. It's how I choose to process it that's different. I choose faith, optimism, and belief. Faith in God/the Universe, in humankind, in Mother Earth. Optimism in the idea that there's good everywhere we look, in every action - whether to make us stronger and wiser or to help the world come to a better understanding of things. Belief in the potential I have to use WHATEVER I have in mind and body to affect some positive change in this world, locally or globally, or both.
All I ask is for a little bit of an adjustment when communicating with me:
- Ask me to repeat if you don't understand what I'm saying.
- Don't take it personally if I don't respond or if I don't call you up to talk.
- I find it very difficult to sometimes articulate my thoughts into speech when I'm engaged in a stressful conversation, so please don't be miffed if my response seems superficial.
- I try to take as many breaks as I can with this voice, and whatever days I have off work, I take full advantage of the fact that I don't have to speak.
- The best way to communicate with me is through writing. Send me an e-mail or a text message. I would like to support my friends and family, but any kind of stress affects my voice, and so I can better communicate my support via the written word. This is what I'm choosing to do now. I hope my friends and family will understand.
Thank you for reading :D For more information on SD, please visit the website.
