Recently, a friend of mine flew into Toronto for a visit. My place was too small to be shared between two people, so I checked out the airbnb site and found him a communal home where several people lived. When I sent my friend information about the house, he was quite elated to read that the residents shared many of his own values and lifestyle and dietary practices. I was really happy to have found the place since most of the other bnbs looked a bit too stuffy for an artistic wunderkind like my friend.
My friend arrived and I helped him settle at the home. He would stay for the next 3 weeks in order to connect with musicians who might be interested in working with him on his musical odyssey. All of that began to fall into place as he hit the pavement and began to expand his network here in the urban jungle. He exuded warmth and did not feel inhibited as he struck conversations with musicians, bar patrons, and friends at the open mics he performed at. He received a welcoming ear among the crowds, and support and encouragement from new and old faces.
He struck up similar conversations with his housemates and in an effort to tell them more about his personal story, he gave his card to one of the residents, who then checked out the website. Well, I'll inform you all here that my friend is open about his HIV status, which he spells out in colouful text under his alter ego's section on the website. This resident upon reading this information about my friend, then notified other residents of my friend's status. One person who frequented the house refused to come while he was there. I'm not sure if this person was given appropriate information about HIV, but they eventually sort of came around as I was told.
The owner of the house told my friend that he should have disclosed his status from the beginning. Soon, many of the residents were walking on eggshells around him when just a few days before they were warm and welcoming. Now, it seemed they didn't know what to say to him. Their discomfort was obtrusive, but my friend didn't take it to heart and responded by providing the owner with website reources such as TheBody.com to help educate. I also supported my friend by writing an email to the owner outlining some of the basic myths and facts of HIV, the reality of stigma and discrimination against poz peeps, and ways to educate and stay informed. I offered to invite my colleagues at ASAAP to hold a HIV 101 workshop at the residence along with a grounding activity so everyone would feel safe, most especially my friend. The owner responded by asking if the email could be forwarded, and I gave the OK.
Even though the owner had responded that things were much better now that some of the other residents who were apparently well-informed about HIV were back in the house, my friend continued to experience a sort of arms length distancing and contrived friendliness among some of the folks there.
It's the 21st century, but some folks choose to live in a past largely constructed by irresponsible and inaccurate media hype when facts and realities about the condition were still being formulated. I'm surprised that a household that prides itself on establishing a sustainable communal lifestyle was unable to extend that care and compassion to a fellow human being who respected the rules and policies of the house, and made the effort to reach out to the residents and give them an opportunity to learn something new about the human condition and the diversity of struggle, suffering, and triumph. I would think that if we are to apply social justice practices in our daily lives, it demands that we raise our consciousness and foster understanding. What does inclusion and anti-oppression really mean if they only serve as catch phrases to pad our egos?
What this incident showed me was that despite all the great gains that have been made in HIV treatment and care which has resulted in the overall improvement in the lives of poz communities, programs that educate and raise awareness to help fight HIV stigma must continue full steam if we are to see greater positive shifts in attitude and knowledge among the status quo. It's largely due to the work, advocacy, commitment and courage of many many poz individuals, their supporters and allies, and AIDS service organizations that advances have been made. I'm proud to stand by all of them, including my friend, as we act diligently to soften hearts, transform minds, and nurture our collective and love-affirming humanity.
*In writing this post, my intention was not to judge people's behaviour. I acknowledge that some people struggle with OCD, and so situations such as this might trigger fear or anxiety. They too are suffering from a condition, and should be provided with all the information they need to feel at ease and safe. In order to challenge HIV stigma, it requires compassion for all.
