Judging from the title of my blog, you're probably wondering if I surreptitiously lifted something while store employees were busy assisting the crowds of early Christmas shoppers filling the malls. While it was certainly packed today at Dufferin Mall - my mall of choice due to its relative "smallness" compared to the blithering blinking consumption meccas that characterize Toronto's urban landscape - I had no wish to be apprehended by the scruff of my neck by police officers who do not use their travel-size supplies of hand sanitizer and then be subjected to a strip search that would make the new security regulations at airports look like a fun-filled romp through the park.
Theft was not on my mind today nor on any other day, as I haven't been an enthusiastic supporter of material wares obtained in any manner for quite some time now, whether through spending of hard-earned dollars or otherwise. Then what the hell was I doing at DM? Dear readers, I point an accusing finger at those monstrosities we use to "stay in touch", and do all manner of things with such as texting, call forwarding, e-mailing, facebooking...all the -ings including actually calling a person and hearing their voice. Ha! Now the latter's a real concept in this day and age of ego-posting on Twits and Faces. Double ha! So basically, I needed a replacement phone 'cuz the one I had decided that enough was enough. I wasn't using it enough, so it died from neglect.
Now a funny thing happened on my way to DM. I felt that strange euphoric feeling many humans do when they're about to get something new. I had been deliberating earlier on my service provider's site what kind of phone to get. I still had no clue but the thought of feeling something new in my hands made me feel a strange almost mad kind of exhilaration. I mean, it's been quite sometime since I had something new in my life other than the baby ants that creep along my bathroom tiles. So my brain was bursting with some fabulous energy, hungering for the visual stimulation just 2 short minutes away on foot.
I reached the shop and almost immediately my hands started fumbling with keypads and touch screens of the phones on display. After a few brief minutes of salivating over these hand-held variations of metal and plastic, a kindly character of a man stepped forward from behind the display counter and asked me the attention-grabbing question of the day: "Is there something in particular you're looking for, Miss?" Normally, I just shrug my shoulders, and respond with a grumpy look, and if they still didn't get it, I'd then scare the wits out of them by stating in my spastic voice that of course not, I wasn't looking for anything at all, whadya take me for?! Usually upon getting a taste of my odd vocal impairment, they back away looking apologetic for having caused me the inconvenience of actually having to verbally communicate with them..."like, that's just not cool, like...". I'd stare at them reproachfully and then go back to my own "security checking" of the phones, fingering all the buttons and smooth surfaces with lustful delight. Well, he had a look that I hate to say "I trusted"...yikes! Almost immediately after he asked me the question, I said "Yes! Yes! I do! I mean, I am!" This is when I nervously pulled out my old phone - an aged member of the Samsung class, grossly out of date by 21st century standards. He took one look at it and asked me why I had brought it into the store. Ha ha!! (I'm laughing now)
Well this cutie pie who shall remain nameless assisted me in a most gentlemanly fashion in selecting the right phone for me. Actually I saw several that were right for me, but with true salespersonship, he steered me to the one that would be best. It wasn't an Iphone for I had clearly stated that my objective was to spend as little as possible, even nothing if the right plan was there. It turns out the right plan was there, and I had to pay exactly 0 dollars for an agreement that would significantly reduce my monthly payments. Not just that, this charming young man also threw in some freebies like a phone pouch (um..I don't think I really needed that...) and some extra memory cards for storage for all those pics I take of myself. It wasn't so much that I got "more" than I expected, but that I got an opportunity to put a smile on my face. I mean it had been a busy day for me, and I won't go into just how traumatic it is to travel on the subway in Toronto - that's something that Torontonians and I can share and someday laugh about when we finally share a pint with our faceless and nameless neighbours.
All the while that this young gentleman was assisting me, he would ask me questions about my work, where I was from, etc. Of course a cynic would say that he knew how to play all his cards right, but really, I didn't get taken advantage of one bit. I got a new phone - very classy, compact, and most importantly easy to use, a new plan that reduced my phone bill by $10 (believe me in the greater scheme of my life, that's a huge saving), some extras that I'll use because they're there to be used, and the best part of all of it was that I didn't have to pay a single cent!
This charming man made my day! He told me that he'd thought about becoming a teacher, and I jumped on the chance to say "you should"! His answer was an odd "but I'm too tall". Anyway. I was so happy leaving that cell phone shop that I quite literally kept a smile plastered on my besotted half-wit countenance and trotted off into the late afternoon chill.
Stay tuned for Part II: The Bill....
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Open Relationships
Open Relationships: A form of Spiritual Enlightenment?
I sit back in a comfy high-backed chair in a frigidly cold air-conditioned movie theatre, having just devoured a whole bag of buttery-fattening popcorn, wondering how on earth was my hand able to move that way from bag to mouth without any delay or distraction despite the fact that my complete focus was on the screen. Even though it felt colder than the Arctic in the dead of winter in that small theatre, I was feeling all toasty warm inside as the final moments of another Hollywood romantic-comedy was coming to an end in a flourish of pre-wedding drama followed by the perfect Cinderella-inspired wedding that included the perfect dress, the hit tear-jerker theme song, the pretty but quirky bride, the handsome and totally sweet groom, and the most loving wedding vows ever exchanged. Then I think all is right with the world because love like this exists...er...at least in fantasy. It's the perfect formula - nice guy, hot girl, some heat between them, add other characters into the mix, mountains to climb, barriers to break through, all leading up to the fairy tale wedding in the end. Hollywood repeats it again and again at least several times a year. There's always one that comes out on Valentine's Day, then a summer romance or two. We've got a few to help us through the fall, and finally a couple more at Christmas to really get those bells ringing.
I guess Hollywood's got it all figured out when it comes to love. These movies, with their feel-good moments, serve to reinforce the prevailing belief that 'true' love is happily wedded monogamous bliss. There are many other forms of love, of course, but they are not as socially acceptable as the deified THE ONE AND ONLY SOULMATE kind. There is nothing wrong in finding and spending the rest of your life with someone who is compatible, but expecting this person to fulfill all your white picket fence dreams with a house in the 'burbs, a two-car garage, Saturday baseball with the kids, trips to see Gramps, credit card debt and whatever else may be on your list of needs is a mighty tall order. I mean it's hard enough to look out for yourself let alone be responsible for someone else's happiness till death do us part.
Well, some people do manage to stay together, but most relationships have their battery of tests, near hits and misses, close encounters of the cheating kind, and any number of sub-suburban distractions that might bring destruction, chaos, and disillusion to seemingly happy marriages and partnerships. Just about half of all marriages end in divorce in North America. The number one reason that couples choose 'splitsville' is because one of the two resorted to dishonesty by having an extra-marital affair, breaking the sacred trust between them.
Maybe we need to break down a bit of the fantasy of “coupledom” and take a closer look at the reality. One person cannot fulfill another person's needs in totality, especially when the level of commitment required extends over a few generations. Long-term commitment is definitely a lifestyle change and might require some discipline especially for those with a wandering eye. Many of us have to grapple with the very real issue of sexual dissatisfaction or boredom. Ever wonder why there are millions of how-to articles and top 10 tips on keeping the intimacy alive in a marriage? It's not an easy task. Human desires and emotions are complex. Not just that, but the routine of daily life with your partner does catch up, and most times rings the death knell for intimacy the more you get used to having each other around. It’s hard for it not to turn into a very close friendship.
Close friendships aside, no amount of lingerie, edible undies, candles, roses, seductive music, and a favourite - couples therapy, will bring the intimacy back if the sexual attraction has been lost. Why not just end the union? Well, a lot of people do. That would be the customary thing to do. However, many couples are choosing the open relationship route these days, as part of the next wave of the sexual revolution. Open relationship arrangements like polyamory and swinging allow couples sexual freedom while still having the security and stability that comes with long-term commitment, so ‘open relationship’ is not the same as dating more than one person.
Open relationship is actually a modern lifestyle choice in many countries in the West, but it certainly isn’t a foreign concept in other parts of the world. Both polygyny, one man having multiple wives, and polyandry, one woman having multiple husbands are practiced in some regions of the world. The latter was practiced by nomadic Tibetans where two or more brothers shared the same wife with the idea that a child raised in a family of two or more fathers had a better chance at survival. Polyandry is particularly prevalent in regions where resources are scarce, and the likelihood of a child surviving is greatly increased when the men of the family pool their wealth together. It is unclear whether nomads still practice this today, since more and more once-Nomadic communities have become sedentary due to immigration laws, industrialization, and poverty.
Polygyny is practiced in many African and Arab-Muslim cultures. In Saudi Arabia, a man can have up to four wives. Now to most Westerners this would be seen as another example of the oppression of women. Without getting into the rubrics of Arab-Muslim cultural norms, it is important to say that men who do have four wives have to treat each one equally, providing them with the same amount of financial and emotional security, and not to mention, providing for all of their children. In Saudi Arabia, a woman’s wealth and property belong to her, so we can imagine what a difficult task it would be for any man to choose to have more than one wife. It is a choice primarily made by exceedingly rich men, and not just in Saudi society. Historically, polygyny was practiced by the ruling classes of many great empires including those of the Indian subcontinent and China. Of course, these rulers also had their share of concubines, not just wives. The ancient Hebrews also practiced polygyny, but it is clearly stated in the Torah that multiple marriages are not to diminish the status of the first wife. Levirate marriage required a man to marry and support his brother’s widow.
The swinger lifestyle is said to have originated during WWII among US Air Force pilots, whose mortality rates were particularly high. Pilots made a pact that they would care for all their wives as their own, both emotionally and sexually, if some of them were sent off on a far away mission or were lost. This soon spread from the military to the ‘burbs in the 1950s before the hippies were doped up on ‘free love’ in the 60s, and was termed “wife-swapping”. The Sexual Freedom League was the first ever swingers’ organization.
It seems that the varieties of open relationships practiced in historical times were done out of the willingness of these disparate communities, Eastern and Western, to provide for their members out of care and concern for their livelihoods. The modern swinging lifestyle, which involves typically married couples going to swinging bars or events to have intimate encounters that may or may not include sexual intercourse with other people, on the other hand, is a choice purely made to gratify our sexual needs and enhance our sexual experiences. This is not a bad thing of course. After all, we are sexual beings by nature, and monogamy is not necessarily the natural choice, but one that was etched into stone by the Christian religious powers that be, further reinforced today by Hollywood’s romantic-comedies, Valentine’s Day marketing, DeBeers diamonds-are-forever ads, and how we, particularly women, are told that marriage to your soul mate is the end all and be all of life, along with all the other ‘comforts’ happily wedded bliss entails. We’re a very possessive culture, and it doesn’t take long for our kids to get the whole “what’s-mine-is-mine-and-what’s-yours-is-yours” ethos. We’ve been conditioned to own, both people and things.
The swinging lifestyle and polyamory each ask a very important question about the nature of primarily heterosexual relationships and challenges our possessive inclinations. The swingers ask if love means sexual exclusivity and the polyamorists ask if it is possible to find true love in more than one partner. One study conducted found that swingers are actually much happier than those who choose monogamous relationships. Many people who were in unhappy relationships said swinging improved them, and gave them new insight into their marriage or partnership. Couples who welcome the swinging lifestyle understand it as being a way to reconnect and revive their commitment to each other. This perhaps could be an emotionally healthier alternative than the lying and deceptiveness that comes with extra-marital affairs.
Polyamory can be a bit more challenging since it breaks every accepted perception we have of love. Love is not exclusive. One person can not fulfill all of our needs. Our feelings of love are not static. According to polyamorists, love is dynamic, fluid, an exchange that can happen at any moment in our lives with any person, not just one. Denying ourselves the possibility of giving and receiving love from others, albeit from like-minded people who are also open-relationship seekers, is denying our true essence.
Of course, there are a lot of ground rules couples set before making the move to welcome other lovers into their lives other than the obvious – practice safe sex at all times. Swinging couples agree that neither can see any of their sexual partners outside the swinging bar or event, that the connection is purely for sexual enjoyment, and that there can be no ‘love’ in the equation. Some polyamorists want their primary relationship to remain intact, and therefore, establish rules concerning overnight stays, scheduling, who they can pursue an open relationship with, meeting the other lovers, sharing details about their relationships, and a host of others.
It is recommended that couples who are considering an open relationship do it in order to strengthen the already tight and stable union between them, and not use it as a band-aid solution to their long-suffering relationship woes. Not just that, but the individuals concerned should be pretty secure in themselves, without any insecurities. If the relationship was already unstable from the get-go, inviting other people to be a part of it might actually do further damage. Jealousy is a big issue. The thought of your partner offering their love and attention to someone else isn’t exactly a comforting thought, not if you’ve got a personality like Bridget Jones. You know, the kind that falls madly in love with that one man of their dreams and dedicates their whole lives to building the perfect monogamous relationship.
But maybe that’s the problem, maybe that’s why there are so many unhappy people in our society.
We put so many expectations on this one person to be our knight or queen or both or nonbinary rulers, and when they don’t come through for us, anger and bitterness ensue. People can and do overcome the rejection and abandonment, but how? By looking for yet again the same kind of relationship in another. When we lose someone we love through a break-up, the trauma can sometimes be overwhelming, and some people never get over it.
Open relationships allow couples who do have something wonderful together – companionship, love, stability – things that are too wonderful to let go, give each other the freedom to share a part of that with others, not through dishonesty or games, but through respect, trust, and understanding of one another’s needs. It’s not for everyone or perhaps it could be for everyone if we worked through our insecurities, fears, neediness, and our limiting fantasies about what love and romance should look like.
To be given the freedom to love others as we love each other could be a way of getting closer to the god in all of us, but it all depends on how much we want to change. Reaching for that higher power - the power of letting go, the power of non-attachment, the power of accepting the dynamic nature of sexuality and romance, and the power that comes with experiencing a kind of love that could be quite liberating might be beyond our natural instincts or the societal constructs that restrict our freedom to be, to choose, to explore. We might get sick of all the options though. What happens next then? Do we then reach for monogamy?
The point is, nothing lasts forever, and the big L word has given us plenty of examples of just how fleeting it is. So, whether you're in a monogamous or a polyamorous, or some other kind of relationship, enjoy those moments or that one and only moment with your beloved. Enjoy it as if you're experiencing all that tender loving care for the first time ever...and maybe for the last time, too.
I sit back in a comfy high-backed chair in a frigidly cold air-conditioned movie theatre, having just devoured a whole bag of buttery-fattening popcorn, wondering how on earth was my hand able to move that way from bag to mouth without any delay or distraction despite the fact that my complete focus was on the screen. Even though it felt colder than the Arctic in the dead of winter in that small theatre, I was feeling all toasty warm inside as the final moments of another Hollywood romantic-comedy was coming to an end in a flourish of pre-wedding drama followed by the perfect Cinderella-inspired wedding that included the perfect dress, the hit tear-jerker theme song, the pretty but quirky bride, the handsome and totally sweet groom, and the most loving wedding vows ever exchanged. Then I think all is right with the world because love like this exists...er...at least in fantasy. It's the perfect formula - nice guy, hot girl, some heat between them, add other characters into the mix, mountains to climb, barriers to break through, all leading up to the fairy tale wedding in the end. Hollywood repeats it again and again at least several times a year. There's always one that comes out on Valentine's Day, then a summer romance or two. We've got a few to help us through the fall, and finally a couple more at Christmas to really get those bells ringing.
I guess Hollywood's got it all figured out when it comes to love. These movies, with their feel-good moments, serve to reinforce the prevailing belief that 'true' love is happily wedded monogamous bliss. There are many other forms of love, of course, but they are not as socially acceptable as the deified THE ONE AND ONLY SOULMATE kind. There is nothing wrong in finding and spending the rest of your life with someone who is compatible, but expecting this person to fulfill all your white picket fence dreams with a house in the 'burbs, a two-car garage, Saturday baseball with the kids, trips to see Gramps, credit card debt and whatever else may be on your list of needs is a mighty tall order. I mean it's hard enough to look out for yourself let alone be responsible for someone else's happiness till death do us part.
Well, some people do manage to stay together, but most relationships have their battery of tests, near hits and misses, close encounters of the cheating kind, and any number of sub-suburban distractions that might bring destruction, chaos, and disillusion to seemingly happy marriages and partnerships. Just about half of all marriages end in divorce in North America. The number one reason that couples choose 'splitsville' is because one of the two resorted to dishonesty by having an extra-marital affair, breaking the sacred trust between them.
Maybe we need to break down a bit of the fantasy of “coupledom” and take a closer look at the reality. One person cannot fulfill another person's needs in totality, especially when the level of commitment required extends over a few generations. Long-term commitment is definitely a lifestyle change and might require some discipline especially for those with a wandering eye. Many of us have to grapple with the very real issue of sexual dissatisfaction or boredom. Ever wonder why there are millions of how-to articles and top 10 tips on keeping the intimacy alive in a marriage? It's not an easy task. Human desires and emotions are complex. Not just that, but the routine of daily life with your partner does catch up, and most times rings the death knell for intimacy the more you get used to having each other around. It’s hard for it not to turn into a very close friendship.
Close friendships aside, no amount of lingerie, edible undies, candles, roses, seductive music, and a favourite - couples therapy, will bring the intimacy back if the sexual attraction has been lost. Why not just end the union? Well, a lot of people do. That would be the customary thing to do. However, many couples are choosing the open relationship route these days, as part of the next wave of the sexual revolution. Open relationship arrangements like polyamory and swinging allow couples sexual freedom while still having the security and stability that comes with long-term commitment, so ‘open relationship’ is not the same as dating more than one person.
Open relationship is actually a modern lifestyle choice in many countries in the West, but it certainly isn’t a foreign concept in other parts of the world. Both polygyny, one man having multiple wives, and polyandry, one woman having multiple husbands are practiced in some regions of the world. The latter was practiced by nomadic Tibetans where two or more brothers shared the same wife with the idea that a child raised in a family of two or more fathers had a better chance at survival. Polyandry is particularly prevalent in regions where resources are scarce, and the likelihood of a child surviving is greatly increased when the men of the family pool their wealth together. It is unclear whether nomads still practice this today, since more and more once-Nomadic communities have become sedentary due to immigration laws, industrialization, and poverty.
Polygyny is practiced in many African and Arab-Muslim cultures. In Saudi Arabia, a man can have up to four wives. Now to most Westerners this would be seen as another example of the oppression of women. Without getting into the rubrics of Arab-Muslim cultural norms, it is important to say that men who do have four wives have to treat each one equally, providing them with the same amount of financial and emotional security, and not to mention, providing for all of their children. In Saudi Arabia, a woman’s wealth and property belong to her, so we can imagine what a difficult task it would be for any man to choose to have more than one wife. It is a choice primarily made by exceedingly rich men, and not just in Saudi society. Historically, polygyny was practiced by the ruling classes of many great empires including those of the Indian subcontinent and China. Of course, these rulers also had their share of concubines, not just wives. The ancient Hebrews also practiced polygyny, but it is clearly stated in the Torah that multiple marriages are not to diminish the status of the first wife. Levirate marriage required a man to marry and support his brother’s widow.
The swinger lifestyle is said to have originated during WWII among US Air Force pilots, whose mortality rates were particularly high. Pilots made a pact that they would care for all their wives as their own, both emotionally and sexually, if some of them were sent off on a far away mission or were lost. This soon spread from the military to the ‘burbs in the 1950s before the hippies were doped up on ‘free love’ in the 60s, and was termed “wife-swapping”. The Sexual Freedom League was the first ever swingers’ organization.
It seems that the varieties of open relationships practiced in historical times were done out of the willingness of these disparate communities, Eastern and Western, to provide for their members out of care and concern for their livelihoods. The modern swinging lifestyle, which involves typically married couples going to swinging bars or events to have intimate encounters that may or may not include sexual intercourse with other people, on the other hand, is a choice purely made to gratify our sexual needs and enhance our sexual experiences. This is not a bad thing of course. After all, we are sexual beings by nature, and monogamy is not necessarily the natural choice, but one that was etched into stone by the Christian religious powers that be, further reinforced today by Hollywood’s romantic-comedies, Valentine’s Day marketing, DeBeers diamonds-are-forever ads, and how we, particularly women, are told that marriage to your soul mate is the end all and be all of life, along with all the other ‘comforts’ happily wedded bliss entails. We’re a very possessive culture, and it doesn’t take long for our kids to get the whole “what’s-mine-is-mine-and-what’s-yours-is-yours” ethos. We’ve been conditioned to own, both people and things.
The swinging lifestyle and polyamory each ask a very important question about the nature of primarily heterosexual relationships and challenges our possessive inclinations. The swingers ask if love means sexual exclusivity and the polyamorists ask if it is possible to find true love in more than one partner. One study conducted found that swingers are actually much happier than those who choose monogamous relationships. Many people who were in unhappy relationships said swinging improved them, and gave them new insight into their marriage or partnership. Couples who welcome the swinging lifestyle understand it as being a way to reconnect and revive their commitment to each other. This perhaps could be an emotionally healthier alternative than the lying and deceptiveness that comes with extra-marital affairs.
Polyamory can be a bit more challenging since it breaks every accepted perception we have of love. Love is not exclusive. One person can not fulfill all of our needs. Our feelings of love are not static. According to polyamorists, love is dynamic, fluid, an exchange that can happen at any moment in our lives with any person, not just one. Denying ourselves the possibility of giving and receiving love from others, albeit from like-minded people who are also open-relationship seekers, is denying our true essence.
Of course, there are a lot of ground rules couples set before making the move to welcome other lovers into their lives other than the obvious – practice safe sex at all times. Swinging couples agree that neither can see any of their sexual partners outside the swinging bar or event, that the connection is purely for sexual enjoyment, and that there can be no ‘love’ in the equation. Some polyamorists want their primary relationship to remain intact, and therefore, establish rules concerning overnight stays, scheduling, who they can pursue an open relationship with, meeting the other lovers, sharing details about their relationships, and a host of others.
It is recommended that couples who are considering an open relationship do it in order to strengthen the already tight and stable union between them, and not use it as a band-aid solution to their long-suffering relationship woes. Not just that, but the individuals concerned should be pretty secure in themselves, without any insecurities. If the relationship was already unstable from the get-go, inviting other people to be a part of it might actually do further damage. Jealousy is a big issue. The thought of your partner offering their love and attention to someone else isn’t exactly a comforting thought, not if you’ve got a personality like Bridget Jones. You know, the kind that falls madly in love with that one man of their dreams and dedicates their whole lives to building the perfect monogamous relationship.
But maybe that’s the problem, maybe that’s why there are so many unhappy people in our society.
We put so many expectations on this one person to be our knight or queen or both or nonbinary rulers, and when they don’t come through for us, anger and bitterness ensue. People can and do overcome the rejection and abandonment, but how? By looking for yet again the same kind of relationship in another. When we lose someone we love through a break-up, the trauma can sometimes be overwhelming, and some people never get over it.
Open relationships allow couples who do have something wonderful together – companionship, love, stability – things that are too wonderful to let go, give each other the freedom to share a part of that with others, not through dishonesty or games, but through respect, trust, and understanding of one another’s needs. It’s not for everyone or perhaps it could be for everyone if we worked through our insecurities, fears, neediness, and our limiting fantasies about what love and romance should look like.
To be given the freedom to love others as we love each other could be a way of getting closer to the god in all of us, but it all depends on how much we want to change. Reaching for that higher power - the power of letting go, the power of non-attachment, the power of accepting the dynamic nature of sexuality and romance, and the power that comes with experiencing a kind of love that could be quite liberating might be beyond our natural instincts or the societal constructs that restrict our freedom to be, to choose, to explore. We might get sick of all the options though. What happens next then? Do we then reach for monogamy?
The point is, nothing lasts forever, and the big L word has given us plenty of examples of just how fleeting it is. So, whether you're in a monogamous or a polyamorous, or some other kind of relationship, enjoy those moments or that one and only moment with your beloved. Enjoy it as if you're experiencing all that tender loving care for the first time ever...and maybe for the last time, too.
The French Diet
Be French and Feel Fabulous!
Written by Shazia Islam
Summer is finally here in the big T.O., and there’s no shortage of things to see and do. From flamboyant festivals to flashy fireworks, from beach volleyball to beach babe watch, from mouth-watering barbecues to thirst-quenching beer gardens, from amusing stage shows to foot-stomping music shows, really, the choices are endless. But with all the entertainment and recreation, come the scents of summer as well, wafting through your open door, from hot dog vendors, ice-cream trucks, barbecue grills, and popcorn stands. It’s yet another season when staying fit poses a challenge. It shouldn’t be that hard since outdoor recreation usually experiences a peak during the summer months, with gleeful participants soaking up the warm rays of the sun. Not just that, but people tend to eat lighter meals when the temperature’s hot, substituting a dish of curry rice for a Mediterranean salad. No one wants hot curry sitting in their tummy while they walk in the sweltering heat of the city, though hot curry’s hard to resist, especially when the meal comes with naan and masala chai. Basically, when we’ve got just as much food choices as we have things to do in this city - T.O. is not just your ordinary urban sprawl - it’s not easy to pass up a gastronomic side of home-cooked fries for the sake of staying trim.
What’s so great about staying trim? Well, we all know that the summer gives us the chance to expose ourselves to the world. After an unbearably long winter spent buried underneath layers of itchy fabric, our skin is screaming for some air. Whether it’s a bare chest or midriff, a six-pack or a washboard tummy, a nicely toned physique or sculpted musculature, you know the saying, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! Sure that might come easy for the genetically-gifted, but for most of us, it’s a long hard struggle to keep the weight off in order to have that moment when the admiring gaze of passers-by heats us up more than the sun. Is there an easier way to feel good about our bodies without having to exercise 24-7, engage in ass warfare at the gym, and deny ourselves the foods we love? What if there actually was a way to do just that?
Do you want to know how the French do it?
French cuisine. One of the best the world has to offer. Typical French dishes include Steak Frites, a nice combination of meat n’ potatoes, Coq au Vin, rooster cooked in wine, lardons (strips of fatty bacon), mushrooms, and garlic. The most popular and the most controversial French dish is Foie Gras, duck or goose liver that has been fattened by a process called ‘gavage’ in which the bird is force fed a few weeks before slaughter. The taste is described as rich and buttery. For strict vegetarians, try Potatoes Anna, a dish of sliced and layered potatoes cooked with a devilishly large amount of butter. Speaking of butter, who can resist Crème Brûlée, burnt cream, a rich custard with a layer of hard caramel. Éclairs, these long, thin pastries filled with cream and topped with icing are more fresh and flavourful than the ones you get at a fast food joint or in a box at a mega supermarket. Also, Milles-feuilles, which literally means a thousand sheets, is a dessert of orgasmic proportions constructed of several layers of puff pastry with a sweet filling of cream or jam in between each layer. It’s topped off with the characteristic wavy pattern of the white/chocolate icing. Crêpes are world-famous and have taken on various different forms to suit the culture. They are made of wheat flour, eggs, milk, salt, and butter, bien sûr! And what would a good French meal be without fresh wholesome bread, fresh out of the oven at the local boulangerie? French bakers usually bake their bread at least three times a day and sell the bread unwrapped to keep the crust nice and crispy. Baguettes, croissants, hazelnut bread, olive bread, and rolls, you name it, the French love their bread, and serving a meal without a basket of fresh bread and creamy butter might be considered a faux pas, as it is an inherent trait of French culture.
As for wine, yeah, the French love it. Sorry, that’s a bit of an understatement there, but what more can be said? Heck, even kids get to take part in this tradition at an early age, learning to develop their taste buds for good wine with a sip here and a sip there. Not exactly like a typical North American kid clamoring for a processed vanilla cone from the ice-cream truck dude! But if you’re not an avid wine drinker and would much rather reach for a sugary cooler or belly ‘enhancing’ beer, here’s something to motivate you to try some of the red stuff. Wine is full of nutrients and antioxidants. It’s known to lower blood pressure and keep your cholesterol levels at bay. Drinkers of fine wine tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease. Now this is if you drink in moderation, a glass or two everyday, rather than binge drink on the weekends the way we North Americans binge eat.
So, if you noticed, the French sure eat an awful lot of buttery dishes, and they drink wine like fish, and eat bread like there’s no tomorrow! BUT, they sure look damn good in a nicely tailored suit or a little black dress. They’ve got style, sex appeal, and elegance down to an art. In fact, everything is an art for the French. Every movement, every bite, every sip has intention. Perhaps this is what makes French women so irresistible, as Mireille Guiliano points out in her book “French Women Don’t Get Fat”. It tells the tale of Mireille’s experience as an exchange student in America, and how she gained a hefty 20 lbs and returned to France overweight. In order to get back to her former trim self, Mireille had to re-acquaint herself with the ways of French womanhood, which is all about elégance suprême. She managed to get back into shape, and then wrote a book about it, advocating all things French, even listing at the end of the book what French women do and don’t do, as a way of setting them apart from their American counterparts. Hmmm…a bit of arrogance there, non? But perhaps the French have something to be arrogant about. They have culture, tradition, good taste, good etiquette, a way of life that celebrates the natural senses, a way of life that slows everything down so the things we in our fast-paced North American lifestyle take for granted are actually savoured and appreciated. Mireille’s book contains scores of delicious French recipes that are fairly easy to prepare and that keep your taste buds stimulated.
That’s the key to looking and feeling good, you see. The French don’t care about losing weight or even worry about staying trim. Long-term healthy living is built into their system. Yes, they eat the carbs, the meat, the butter, the rich desserts, and drink the drink, but they consume with pleasure, not with fear and doubt. Les Francaises mangeons tout, mais mangeons lentement et avec petite partie de nourriture – the French eat everything, but eat slowly and with small portions. North Americans tend to gorge, and we like to horde our supermarket purchases too. The French, on the other hand, like to keep it simple, and pay a visit to the local market every two or three days to get everything fresh to be used for the next day or two. They eat in small quantities, and if you’re a French woman, you never have a second helping. Less is more. Yes, less is more because our taste buds really feel the infusion of flavour, as each bite is relished, forks put down in between the chewing to engage in artful conversation about philosophy and the state of the world. Afterwards, we walk, and we walk a lot, on the sidewalks, up the stairs, to the markets, and we walk with a lightness in our step because our stomachs are not filled to overflowing, but filled with just enough to get us through the next few hours until it’s time for the next engaging repas – meal.
What’s wrong with the way North Americans view food? Lots. Forget about the love-hate relationship, it’s more about guilt, our past childhoods, non-stop treadmill fitness, constant exposure to beauty myth babble, so-called ‘experts’ telling us to eat this and avoid that. Forget about our food addictions, it’s more like psycho weight obsession. Glenn Close cooked the poor pet rabbit in “Fatal Attraction”, but what really should have been cooked was the billion-dollar weight loss industry which profits from our I-hate-being-fat issues. Yes, we eat a heck a lot of junk, and the food industry really needs to clean up its act and stop throwing in all the artificial flavourings that make our senses lazy and give us quick fixes instead of a truly incredible gastronomic-friendly experience. Then again, we as consumers need to make the right choices about the stuff we put into our bodies. Anything that’s been packaged has been processed. Anything’s that’s been picked up on the go is suspect because no matter what the peeps at Tim Horton’s and McDonald’s say, you can’t be “lovin’” something you scarfed down in the five minutes before the nine-to-fiver begins. Forget about the taste, how about even chewing the garbage you just swallowed whole? We get to work feeling no less tired. After work, we go to the gym to do the daily exercise routine to exorcise all the guilty fat from our conscience. We realize afterwards that it all tasted like plastic as we sit down to mindlessly munch on our micro-waved TV dinner in time for the next episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” to remind ourselves of just how mediocre our lives are.
America, the paragon of egalitarian values, somehow suffers from a gastronomic class system unknown in France. The right and the opportunity to enjoy the earth’s seasonal best seems to be monopolized by an elite…the great majority of Americans are conditioned to demand and accept bland, processed, chemically treated, generally unnatural foods, which through packaging and marketing have been made to seem wholesome (Guiliano, 76)
Where’s the real food?
The above, of course, is a gross generalization of Canadian and American food culture. I’m sure many of us have engaged in purifying our systems of all the filth and excess wrought by a culture of convenience. Still, that cleansing is often based on fear, avoidance, expectations, fitting into a size 00, looking thin and sexy – the two appear to be synonymous according to our standards – and being ‘health-conscious’. Well, how do we feel “healthy” when we are so paranoid about the damage that one gram of fat might do to our bodies? Yes, bad fat damages in the long run, but good fat is good fat, and in the long run, we really shouldn’t be thinking about fat anyway, more like, how do we stop war and create more peace or how do we make sure everyone gets a share of the pie.
If it’s about feeling sexy, and getting ‘the look’, it won’t happen through denial. It’ll happen through blanket acceptance of who you are, first and foremost, and the fact that the layers of whatever you have, whether it be fat or past trauma, chemicals or stress, guilt or shame, can all be wiped out in a single stroke of self-love. Yes, love yourself as the French love themselves and their food and culture. Sex appeal is not in actual physical beauty, but in the way you carry yourself. And we carry ourselves well when we feel good about what we’ve put into our bodies, when our bodies have received the proper nourishment. We can taste plenty, but should eat less because there’s always more the next day. We just have to remind ourselves that people on the streets or living in the third world aren’t so lucky. They’re fed undercooked, watery rice or a bowl of soup whenever charity is fashionable and can be sold at a price. But choices abound for the privileged among us and so, we ought to count our blessings. The French count their blessings in every mouthful they take, every sip they make. There is the underlying belief that there is no moment like the present. And even if the future looks dim, at least they savoured the moment like they savoured that one perfect bite.
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
Written by Shazia Islam
Summer is finally here in the big T.O., and there’s no shortage of things to see and do. From flamboyant festivals to flashy fireworks, from beach volleyball to beach babe watch, from mouth-watering barbecues to thirst-quenching beer gardens, from amusing stage shows to foot-stomping music shows, really, the choices are endless. But with all the entertainment and recreation, come the scents of summer as well, wafting through your open door, from hot dog vendors, ice-cream trucks, barbecue grills, and popcorn stands. It’s yet another season when staying fit poses a challenge. It shouldn’t be that hard since outdoor recreation usually experiences a peak during the summer months, with gleeful participants soaking up the warm rays of the sun. Not just that, but people tend to eat lighter meals when the temperature’s hot, substituting a dish of curry rice for a Mediterranean salad. No one wants hot curry sitting in their tummy while they walk in the sweltering heat of the city, though hot curry’s hard to resist, especially when the meal comes with naan and masala chai. Basically, when we’ve got just as much food choices as we have things to do in this city - T.O. is not just your ordinary urban sprawl - it’s not easy to pass up a gastronomic side of home-cooked fries for the sake of staying trim.
What’s so great about staying trim? Well, we all know that the summer gives us the chance to expose ourselves to the world. After an unbearably long winter spent buried underneath layers of itchy fabric, our skin is screaming for some air. Whether it’s a bare chest or midriff, a six-pack or a washboard tummy, a nicely toned physique or sculpted musculature, you know the saying, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! Sure that might come easy for the genetically-gifted, but for most of us, it’s a long hard struggle to keep the weight off in order to have that moment when the admiring gaze of passers-by heats us up more than the sun. Is there an easier way to feel good about our bodies without having to exercise 24-7, engage in ass warfare at the gym, and deny ourselves the foods we love? What if there actually was a way to do just that?
Do you want to know how the French do it?
French cuisine. One of the best the world has to offer. Typical French dishes include Steak Frites, a nice combination of meat n’ potatoes, Coq au Vin, rooster cooked in wine, lardons (strips of fatty bacon), mushrooms, and garlic. The most popular and the most controversial French dish is Foie Gras, duck or goose liver that has been fattened by a process called ‘gavage’ in which the bird is force fed a few weeks before slaughter. The taste is described as rich and buttery. For strict vegetarians, try Potatoes Anna, a dish of sliced and layered potatoes cooked with a devilishly large amount of butter. Speaking of butter, who can resist Crème Brûlée, burnt cream, a rich custard with a layer of hard caramel. Éclairs, these long, thin pastries filled with cream and topped with icing are more fresh and flavourful than the ones you get at a fast food joint or in a box at a mega supermarket. Also, Milles-feuilles, which literally means a thousand sheets, is a dessert of orgasmic proportions constructed of several layers of puff pastry with a sweet filling of cream or jam in between each layer. It’s topped off with the characteristic wavy pattern of the white/chocolate icing. Crêpes are world-famous and have taken on various different forms to suit the culture. They are made of wheat flour, eggs, milk, salt, and butter, bien sûr! And what would a good French meal be without fresh wholesome bread, fresh out of the oven at the local boulangerie? French bakers usually bake their bread at least three times a day and sell the bread unwrapped to keep the crust nice and crispy. Baguettes, croissants, hazelnut bread, olive bread, and rolls, you name it, the French love their bread, and serving a meal without a basket of fresh bread and creamy butter might be considered a faux pas, as it is an inherent trait of French culture.
As for wine, yeah, the French love it. Sorry, that’s a bit of an understatement there, but what more can be said? Heck, even kids get to take part in this tradition at an early age, learning to develop their taste buds for good wine with a sip here and a sip there. Not exactly like a typical North American kid clamoring for a processed vanilla cone from the ice-cream truck dude! But if you’re not an avid wine drinker and would much rather reach for a sugary cooler or belly ‘enhancing’ beer, here’s something to motivate you to try some of the red stuff. Wine is full of nutrients and antioxidants. It’s known to lower blood pressure and keep your cholesterol levels at bay. Drinkers of fine wine tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease. Now this is if you drink in moderation, a glass or two everyday, rather than binge drink on the weekends the way we North Americans binge eat.
So, if you noticed, the French sure eat an awful lot of buttery dishes, and they drink wine like fish, and eat bread like there’s no tomorrow! BUT, they sure look damn good in a nicely tailored suit or a little black dress. They’ve got style, sex appeal, and elegance down to an art. In fact, everything is an art for the French. Every movement, every bite, every sip has intention. Perhaps this is what makes French women so irresistible, as Mireille Guiliano points out in her book “French Women Don’t Get Fat”. It tells the tale of Mireille’s experience as an exchange student in America, and how she gained a hefty 20 lbs and returned to France overweight. In order to get back to her former trim self, Mireille had to re-acquaint herself with the ways of French womanhood, which is all about elégance suprême. She managed to get back into shape, and then wrote a book about it, advocating all things French, even listing at the end of the book what French women do and don’t do, as a way of setting them apart from their American counterparts. Hmmm…a bit of arrogance there, non? But perhaps the French have something to be arrogant about. They have culture, tradition, good taste, good etiquette, a way of life that celebrates the natural senses, a way of life that slows everything down so the things we in our fast-paced North American lifestyle take for granted are actually savoured and appreciated. Mireille’s book contains scores of delicious French recipes that are fairly easy to prepare and that keep your taste buds stimulated.
That’s the key to looking and feeling good, you see. The French don’t care about losing weight or even worry about staying trim. Long-term healthy living is built into their system. Yes, they eat the carbs, the meat, the butter, the rich desserts, and drink the drink, but they consume with pleasure, not with fear and doubt. Les Francaises mangeons tout, mais mangeons lentement et avec petite partie de nourriture – the French eat everything, but eat slowly and with small portions. North Americans tend to gorge, and we like to horde our supermarket purchases too. The French, on the other hand, like to keep it simple, and pay a visit to the local market every two or three days to get everything fresh to be used for the next day or two. They eat in small quantities, and if you’re a French woman, you never have a second helping. Less is more. Yes, less is more because our taste buds really feel the infusion of flavour, as each bite is relished, forks put down in between the chewing to engage in artful conversation about philosophy and the state of the world. Afterwards, we walk, and we walk a lot, on the sidewalks, up the stairs, to the markets, and we walk with a lightness in our step because our stomachs are not filled to overflowing, but filled with just enough to get us through the next few hours until it’s time for the next engaging repas – meal.
What’s wrong with the way North Americans view food? Lots. Forget about the love-hate relationship, it’s more about guilt, our past childhoods, non-stop treadmill fitness, constant exposure to beauty myth babble, so-called ‘experts’ telling us to eat this and avoid that. Forget about our food addictions, it’s more like psycho weight obsession. Glenn Close cooked the poor pet rabbit in “Fatal Attraction”, but what really should have been cooked was the billion-dollar weight loss industry which profits from our I-hate-being-fat issues. Yes, we eat a heck a lot of junk, and the food industry really needs to clean up its act and stop throwing in all the artificial flavourings that make our senses lazy and give us quick fixes instead of a truly incredible gastronomic-friendly experience. Then again, we as consumers need to make the right choices about the stuff we put into our bodies. Anything that’s been packaged has been processed. Anything’s that’s been picked up on the go is suspect because no matter what the peeps at Tim Horton’s and McDonald’s say, you can’t be “lovin’” something you scarfed down in the five minutes before the nine-to-fiver begins. Forget about the taste, how about even chewing the garbage you just swallowed whole? We get to work feeling no less tired. After work, we go to the gym to do the daily exercise routine to exorcise all the guilty fat from our conscience. We realize afterwards that it all tasted like plastic as we sit down to mindlessly munch on our micro-waved TV dinner in time for the next episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” to remind ourselves of just how mediocre our lives are.
America, the paragon of egalitarian values, somehow suffers from a gastronomic class system unknown in France. The right and the opportunity to enjoy the earth’s seasonal best seems to be monopolized by an elite…the great majority of Americans are conditioned to demand and accept bland, processed, chemically treated, generally unnatural foods, which through packaging and marketing have been made to seem wholesome (Guiliano, 76)
Where’s the real food?
The above, of course, is a gross generalization of Canadian and American food culture. I’m sure many of us have engaged in purifying our systems of all the filth and excess wrought by a culture of convenience. Still, that cleansing is often based on fear, avoidance, expectations, fitting into a size 00, looking thin and sexy – the two appear to be synonymous according to our standards – and being ‘health-conscious’. Well, how do we feel “healthy” when we are so paranoid about the damage that one gram of fat might do to our bodies? Yes, bad fat damages in the long run, but good fat is good fat, and in the long run, we really shouldn’t be thinking about fat anyway, more like, how do we stop war and create more peace or how do we make sure everyone gets a share of the pie.
If it’s about feeling sexy, and getting ‘the look’, it won’t happen through denial. It’ll happen through blanket acceptance of who you are, first and foremost, and the fact that the layers of whatever you have, whether it be fat or past trauma, chemicals or stress, guilt or shame, can all be wiped out in a single stroke of self-love. Yes, love yourself as the French love themselves and their food and culture. Sex appeal is not in actual physical beauty, but in the way you carry yourself. And we carry ourselves well when we feel good about what we’ve put into our bodies, when our bodies have received the proper nourishment. We can taste plenty, but should eat less because there’s always more the next day. We just have to remind ourselves that people on the streets or living in the third world aren’t so lucky. They’re fed undercooked, watery rice or a bowl of soup whenever charity is fashionable and can be sold at a price. But choices abound for the privileged among us and so, we ought to count our blessings. The French count their blessings in every mouthful they take, every sip they make. There is the underlying belief that there is no moment like the present. And even if the future looks dim, at least they savoured the moment like they savoured that one perfect bite.
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
Micah Barnes: The Medicine Man of Vocal Coaching
MICAH BARNES
The Medicine Man of Vocal Coaching
Written by Shazia Islam
One Saturday night at a local Toronto watering hole, a very nervous singer-songwriter stepped up to the mic with her pink steel string guitar. Her turn had come after what seemed like an endless passage of time. One performer after another was called up by the ebullient host of the open stage event to share their musical voices with a discerning lot of friends and strangers. Unfortunately for this particular singer, most of the guests were strangers. From the stage, she squinted to look for the one friend who was brave enough to come with her, but the intimidating lights gleaming from above were too bright to allow her the comfort of a familiar face in the crowd. She jumped realizing that her audience was waiting for her show-stopping performance to commence. She had to get through two songs, which was a rather monumental task considering that her past live performances amounted to singing along with American Idol hopefuls in front of an outdated television set. Well there’s a first for everything and this might as well be it, she thought. Who knows, it might be her lucky break. A bigwig record producer could be in the crowd getting ready to sign the next Shania on the dotted line. That would be herself. Right.
She began singing in a tremulous voice the song about a very difficult transition into bleached blonde-hood. She kept her eyes focused on her guitar, not realizing that her voice was barely audible to her increasingly fidgety listeners. The few times she did look up, she kept her eyes closed and strummed louder with a fierce madness to drown out the wavering energies, critical voices and piercing eyes, all around the room, in her mind. At least this was what she sensed from the sheer nakedness of the stage. By the time she finished the tune, she was sweating something awful. The applause came but she started on the second song right away, and thus began her next solitary lament with the pink guitar.
When she stepped off the stage, she could finally see her audience. A few of them were looking at her but she couldn‘t read what their eyes were saying, others seemed to be waiting expectantly for the next performer. Her friend was nowhere to be found. She put on her jacket, and left the scene feeling disconnected. She had worked hard on those songs and had expected a positive reaction from the crowd. Perhaps they didn’t have the capacity to recognize true talent. She had seen loads of musicians pull off amazing performances with their eyes closed, performing as if they were the only ones in the room. They would drive their fans mad with delirious admiration. How wonderful it would be to give people something they could never forget. Isn’t that what she just did? She shrugged her shoulders and headed for the nearest bus stop.
Sounds like she could use some direction from Toronto’s very own Micah Barnes, the maestro of professional vocal and performance coaching.
Micah Barnes is a man of many musical gifts. He is an accomplished pianist, composer, a superbly talented singer, a formidable entertainer, and a passionate teacher. All of these talents were meticulously perfected through the years, from his childhood days to the present. He continues to make an impact on the world stage both as a performer and a coach, and divides his time between Toronto and L.A., where he runs his widely popular Singers Playground workshops. He also teaches privately, and offers his students the opportunity to take their vocal training to the next level by organizing performance nights at the reputable Statler’s Piano Lounge on Church street.
Singing is no walk in the park, and good singing, the kind that makes a crowd swoon and shout like wild animals for more, is definitely in a realm all on its own. The singers who dare to come forth from the privacy of their tubs must find their foothold in an industry where the bar is continually being raised by child prodigies and aged spinsters in reality TV hits like American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent and the infamous Youtube. There’s a singer in everyone, but does everyone have the chutzpah to venture forth into a sea where they join their voices with a million others waiting to be discovered? Why not? It’s like bungee-jumping, only it’s a free fall into the watery depths where failure and triumph both exist, sometimes appearing within seconds of each other.
If you ever needed an encouraging push in the direction of this great melodious sea of voices, consider attending Micah’s Singers Playground workshop to help you discover your true singing potential. None of his workshops are ever the same. Every workshop draws in a diverse group of vocal artists, all with unique challenges to overcome, yet all united in their passion for singing. Micah starts the group off with intense breathing and vocal exercises urging the participants to utilize the ample space in the theatre where the workshops are usually conducted. He pays close attention to each and every one of the participants to ensure they all understand the basics of a good warm-up, and why all the warming-up lays the foundation of singing like a pro. As we work through the exercises, he speaks to everyone individually as a way of introduction. Some of the faces belong to his long-term students, while others are newcomers ready to experience Micah’s magic. He speaks to everyone like he knows them well, like a wise old friend. Everyone starts to feel more comfortable, even with the knowledge that they will soon have to sing in front of one another.
Micah takes a very personal approach to teaching. He gets to the heart of each student to find out what fears lurk in the shadows, what technical/physical issues their voices and bodies are grappling with, why they have made a particular song selection and what risks the singer is willing to take to develop their showmanship. He gives positive encouragement every step of the way, yet does not hesitate to give strong words of advice and direction to keep his students aiming for the heights of musical integrity. He encourages them to throw off their inhibitions through dramatic vocalizations and movement so that they may refine those sounds and motions into something powerful that must be seen and heard. Micah convinces the participants that the only way to reach the audience is to reach within themselves - to go deep - because personal experiences can be shared through song and become a powerful unifying force.
As the workshop progresses, and each participant gets up to sing something they composed or a cover, they no longer feel competitive or hear the negative voices in their heads telling them they’re not good enough. Actually, the workshop is open to singers of all levels, beginners to pros. The key is to be open enough to allow Micah and the other participants to be part of your personal journey. Through the workshop experience, participants start looking at one another’s special vocal gifts and learn to give, learn to really give, unconditional belief and support to all the performers. Each voice is worthy enough to be heard if everyone has the patience and the commitment to nurture them.
Micah gives his students the belief when they lack the belief. Gives them the direction when they’re running around with their heads cut off, not knowing where to start, and when to stop. Gives them the challenge and the courage when they are eyeing the easy and safe route. Gives them the knowledge and technique they need to develop their vocal prowess. Gives them the confidence to sing and to sing like a pro. As a vocal coach, he has made a difference in many people’s lives, not just in the lives of the singers he teaches, but to all the people who come to hear them sing, family members, friends, and strangers alike. He gives with heart and humour, engaging his students with his smile, all the while inspiring them to dream of the possibilities that singing may bring.
He too has a music career to maintain - performing with his brother, drummer, Daniel Barnes, and collaborating with other established artists, vocal coaching for reality TV stars (“How do you Solve a Problem like Maria“), organizing music biz seminars, and of course running the workshops and teaching privately. He is the perfect example of a successful artist, and we, his students, greatly benefit from his mentorship and tutelage. There is a strong sense of equality in his workshops, and he understands so perfectly that singing for many of us if not all is the key to our liberation. The workshops then not only become a chance for us to become better singers, but also a chance for us to heal through the power of voice and song the disconnectedness we often feel from ourselves, and from our communities. By re-connecting, we recognize the power we each have to create something positive and inspire others to do the same.
We find ourselves back on another Saturday night at the same watering hole, and the woman with the pink steel string guitar gets up to sing once again. When her name is called she bounces onto the stage where she had performed just a few short months before. She looks out into the crowd and smiles. She tells a funny story about the bleached blonde hair song, and the audience laughs with her. She starts singing in a clear and powerful voice. The audience is enjoying the performance and some people begin to clap with the beat. She steps off the stage during the instrumental portion, and plays to the crowd who cheer her on. Finally, she finishes with a nice long sustained note, which she has the confidence to execute because of proper breath control and support, something she worked on at the Singers Playground workshops besides many other things. The crowd gives her a prolonged enthusiastic applause. In fact, some of the folks she met at the workshops are there to show her support and ready to perform themselves. She waits for a moment, breathing deeply, and then she graciously thanks the crowd before beginning her next song - the one about dyeing her hair back to basic black.
Join Micah and meet some of Toronto’s up and coming as well as established singers at his next vocal workshop. You won’t want to miss it! For more information, please visit his site www.micahbarnes.com.
The Medicine Man of Vocal Coaching
Written by Shazia Islam
One Saturday night at a local Toronto watering hole, a very nervous singer-songwriter stepped up to the mic with her pink steel string guitar. Her turn had come after what seemed like an endless passage of time. One performer after another was called up by the ebullient host of the open stage event to share their musical voices with a discerning lot of friends and strangers. Unfortunately for this particular singer, most of the guests were strangers. From the stage, she squinted to look for the one friend who was brave enough to come with her, but the intimidating lights gleaming from above were too bright to allow her the comfort of a familiar face in the crowd. She jumped realizing that her audience was waiting for her show-stopping performance to commence. She had to get through two songs, which was a rather monumental task considering that her past live performances amounted to singing along with American Idol hopefuls in front of an outdated television set. Well there’s a first for everything and this might as well be it, she thought. Who knows, it might be her lucky break. A bigwig record producer could be in the crowd getting ready to sign the next Shania on the dotted line. That would be herself. Right.
She began singing in a tremulous voice the song about a very difficult transition into bleached blonde-hood. She kept her eyes focused on her guitar, not realizing that her voice was barely audible to her increasingly fidgety listeners. The few times she did look up, she kept her eyes closed and strummed louder with a fierce madness to drown out the wavering energies, critical voices and piercing eyes, all around the room, in her mind. At least this was what she sensed from the sheer nakedness of the stage. By the time she finished the tune, she was sweating something awful. The applause came but she started on the second song right away, and thus began her next solitary lament with the pink guitar.
When she stepped off the stage, she could finally see her audience. A few of them were looking at her but she couldn‘t read what their eyes were saying, others seemed to be waiting expectantly for the next performer. Her friend was nowhere to be found. She put on her jacket, and left the scene feeling disconnected. She had worked hard on those songs and had expected a positive reaction from the crowd. Perhaps they didn’t have the capacity to recognize true talent. She had seen loads of musicians pull off amazing performances with their eyes closed, performing as if they were the only ones in the room. They would drive their fans mad with delirious admiration. How wonderful it would be to give people something they could never forget. Isn’t that what she just did? She shrugged her shoulders and headed for the nearest bus stop.
Sounds like she could use some direction from Toronto’s very own Micah Barnes, the maestro of professional vocal and performance coaching.
Micah Barnes is a man of many musical gifts. He is an accomplished pianist, composer, a superbly talented singer, a formidable entertainer, and a passionate teacher. All of these talents were meticulously perfected through the years, from his childhood days to the present. He continues to make an impact on the world stage both as a performer and a coach, and divides his time between Toronto and L.A., where he runs his widely popular Singers Playground workshops. He also teaches privately, and offers his students the opportunity to take their vocal training to the next level by organizing performance nights at the reputable Statler’s Piano Lounge on Church street.
Singing is no walk in the park, and good singing, the kind that makes a crowd swoon and shout like wild animals for more, is definitely in a realm all on its own. The singers who dare to come forth from the privacy of their tubs must find their foothold in an industry where the bar is continually being raised by child prodigies and aged spinsters in reality TV hits like American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent and the infamous Youtube. There’s a singer in everyone, but does everyone have the chutzpah to venture forth into a sea where they join their voices with a million others waiting to be discovered? Why not? It’s like bungee-jumping, only it’s a free fall into the watery depths where failure and triumph both exist, sometimes appearing within seconds of each other.
If you ever needed an encouraging push in the direction of this great melodious sea of voices, consider attending Micah’s Singers Playground workshop to help you discover your true singing potential. None of his workshops are ever the same. Every workshop draws in a diverse group of vocal artists, all with unique challenges to overcome, yet all united in their passion for singing. Micah starts the group off with intense breathing and vocal exercises urging the participants to utilize the ample space in the theatre where the workshops are usually conducted. He pays close attention to each and every one of the participants to ensure they all understand the basics of a good warm-up, and why all the warming-up lays the foundation of singing like a pro. As we work through the exercises, he speaks to everyone individually as a way of introduction. Some of the faces belong to his long-term students, while others are newcomers ready to experience Micah’s magic. He speaks to everyone like he knows them well, like a wise old friend. Everyone starts to feel more comfortable, even with the knowledge that they will soon have to sing in front of one another.
Micah takes a very personal approach to teaching. He gets to the heart of each student to find out what fears lurk in the shadows, what technical/physical issues their voices and bodies are grappling with, why they have made a particular song selection and what risks the singer is willing to take to develop their showmanship. He gives positive encouragement every step of the way, yet does not hesitate to give strong words of advice and direction to keep his students aiming for the heights of musical integrity. He encourages them to throw off their inhibitions through dramatic vocalizations and movement so that they may refine those sounds and motions into something powerful that must be seen and heard. Micah convinces the participants that the only way to reach the audience is to reach within themselves - to go deep - because personal experiences can be shared through song and become a powerful unifying force.
As the workshop progresses, and each participant gets up to sing something they composed or a cover, they no longer feel competitive or hear the negative voices in their heads telling them they’re not good enough. Actually, the workshop is open to singers of all levels, beginners to pros. The key is to be open enough to allow Micah and the other participants to be part of your personal journey. Through the workshop experience, participants start looking at one another’s special vocal gifts and learn to give, learn to really give, unconditional belief and support to all the performers. Each voice is worthy enough to be heard if everyone has the patience and the commitment to nurture them.
Micah gives his students the belief when they lack the belief. Gives them the direction when they’re running around with their heads cut off, not knowing where to start, and when to stop. Gives them the challenge and the courage when they are eyeing the easy and safe route. Gives them the knowledge and technique they need to develop their vocal prowess. Gives them the confidence to sing and to sing like a pro. As a vocal coach, he has made a difference in many people’s lives, not just in the lives of the singers he teaches, but to all the people who come to hear them sing, family members, friends, and strangers alike. He gives with heart and humour, engaging his students with his smile, all the while inspiring them to dream of the possibilities that singing may bring.
He too has a music career to maintain - performing with his brother, drummer, Daniel Barnes, and collaborating with other established artists, vocal coaching for reality TV stars (“How do you Solve a Problem like Maria“), organizing music biz seminars, and of course running the workshops and teaching privately. He is the perfect example of a successful artist, and we, his students, greatly benefit from his mentorship and tutelage. There is a strong sense of equality in his workshops, and he understands so perfectly that singing for many of us if not all is the key to our liberation. The workshops then not only become a chance for us to become better singers, but also a chance for us to heal through the power of voice and song the disconnectedness we often feel from ourselves, and from our communities. By re-connecting, we recognize the power we each have to create something positive and inspire others to do the same.
We find ourselves back on another Saturday night at the same watering hole, and the woman with the pink steel string guitar gets up to sing once again. When her name is called she bounces onto the stage where she had performed just a few short months before. She looks out into the crowd and smiles. She tells a funny story about the bleached blonde hair song, and the audience laughs with her. She starts singing in a clear and powerful voice. The audience is enjoying the performance and some people begin to clap with the beat. She steps off the stage during the instrumental portion, and plays to the crowd who cheer her on. Finally, she finishes with a nice long sustained note, which she has the confidence to execute because of proper breath control and support, something she worked on at the Singers Playground workshops besides many other things. The crowd gives her a prolonged enthusiastic applause. In fact, some of the folks she met at the workshops are there to show her support and ready to perform themselves. She waits for a moment, breathing deeply, and then she graciously thanks the crowd before beginning her next song - the one about dyeing her hair back to basic black.
Join Micah and meet some of Toronto’s up and coming as well as established singers at his next vocal workshop. You won’t want to miss it! For more information, please visit his site www.micahbarnes.com.
The Don Jail Part II
THE DON OF A NEW JAIL PT.2
Written by Shazia Islam
What was supposed to be a fantastic tour of the Don Jail this summer, turned out to be a series of calls to the tour information line in order to determine just when the tours might actually start. All tours have been cancelled until further notice. Since the old Don is considered a heritage site, the cancellation might be due to the ongoing city strike that has put a damper on some of our summer plans. The 145 year-old structure will be undergoing some renovations as Bridgepoint Health, the present owner of the Old Don, will be expanding its medical facilities in the area.
The new Don jail opened in 1958 and is primarily used as a remand centre for prisoners awaiting further trial. Like the Old Don, the new Don has also had its share of infamy. In the spring of 2003 when the city of Toronto was struggling to contain the SARS outbreak, Opposition critic for the Ministry of Public Safety and Security, David Levac, decided to pay the jail a visit. He was urged to inspect the facilities after hearing about the living conditions of the prisoners. He was accompanied by two other members of his team, but little did the staff at the jail know that one of them happened to be Toronto Star columnist, Linda Diebel. She apparently did not identify herself as a member of the media. One can only guess what happened next.
The Diebel article appeared in the Toronto Star shortly after the visit and it certainly raised some questions about the legitimacy of the facility. However, Diebel was not the only one who exposed the Don's shortcomings. Her voice joined many others in protest against the jail's apparent disregard for the basic human rights of its prisoners. The facility has not been upgraded since it was first built as an adjunct to the Old Don. It has a maximum capacity of 272 with each prisoner getting their own cell. Today, there are more than 600 prisoners crammed 3 to a cell that only measures 2 by 3 metres! There is only one bed to a cell, so any additional prisoners have to sleep on the floor, sometimes right next to the toilet. We also have to remember that many of the prisoners being kept here have yet to be convicted of a crime.
Toronto judge, Mr. Justice Richard Schneider, calls the jail "an embarrassment to the Canadian criminal justice system" and stated that the jail did not meet the minimum requirements for the housing of prisoners under the UN charter. Prisoners need a clean place to sleep, telephone access, visitor facilities, and some privacy. The Don Jail falls short of all of the above requirements, yet it remains open. In 2008, guards at the Don staged a walk-out and the jail was completely locked down. Tensions between the guards and the prisoners are often on high due to the large numbers and the overall inadequacy of the jail.
At the moment, the province is not doing much to change the situation despite strong criticism from advocacy groups and law-makers. Not much has changed for the prisoners even after articles were written and interviews conducted. They still await their sentences in questionable surroundings, which can turn an otherwise innocent detainee into a full-fledged criminal as they fight for privacy, space, and food. The Old Don was considered a real gem in its hey-day for its relatively decent treatment of prisoners. Society is supposed to become more civilized and humane in its treatment of all living things with progress. The Don Jail however is a shocking reminder of just how far we still have to go in ensuring that the dignity and rights of all people are respected. True, the ghosts of the past may haunt the corridors and cells of the Old Don, but the real horrors play themselves out within the confined spaces of the present-day jail.
Written by Shazia Islam
What was supposed to be a fantastic tour of the Don Jail this summer, turned out to be a series of calls to the tour information line in order to determine just when the tours might actually start. All tours have been cancelled until further notice. Since the old Don is considered a heritage site, the cancellation might be due to the ongoing city strike that has put a damper on some of our summer plans. The 145 year-old structure will be undergoing some renovations as Bridgepoint Health, the present owner of the Old Don, will be expanding its medical facilities in the area.
The new Don jail opened in 1958 and is primarily used as a remand centre for prisoners awaiting further trial. Like the Old Don, the new Don has also had its share of infamy. In the spring of 2003 when the city of Toronto was struggling to contain the SARS outbreak, Opposition critic for the Ministry of Public Safety and Security, David Levac, decided to pay the jail a visit. He was urged to inspect the facilities after hearing about the living conditions of the prisoners. He was accompanied by two other members of his team, but little did the staff at the jail know that one of them happened to be Toronto Star columnist, Linda Diebel. She apparently did not identify herself as a member of the media. One can only guess what happened next.
The Diebel article appeared in the Toronto Star shortly after the visit and it certainly raised some questions about the legitimacy of the facility. However, Diebel was not the only one who exposed the Don's shortcomings. Her voice joined many others in protest against the jail's apparent disregard for the basic human rights of its prisoners. The facility has not been upgraded since it was first built as an adjunct to the Old Don. It has a maximum capacity of 272 with each prisoner getting their own cell. Today, there are more than 600 prisoners crammed 3 to a cell that only measures 2 by 3 metres! There is only one bed to a cell, so any additional prisoners have to sleep on the floor, sometimes right next to the toilet. We also have to remember that many of the prisoners being kept here have yet to be convicted of a crime.
Toronto judge, Mr. Justice Richard Schneider, calls the jail "an embarrassment to the Canadian criminal justice system" and stated that the jail did not meet the minimum requirements for the housing of prisoners under the UN charter. Prisoners need a clean place to sleep, telephone access, visitor facilities, and some privacy. The Don Jail falls short of all of the above requirements, yet it remains open. In 2008, guards at the Don staged a walk-out and the jail was completely locked down. Tensions between the guards and the prisoners are often on high due to the large numbers and the overall inadequacy of the jail.
At the moment, the province is not doing much to change the situation despite strong criticism from advocacy groups and law-makers. Not much has changed for the prisoners even after articles were written and interviews conducted. They still await their sentences in questionable surroundings, which can turn an otherwise innocent detainee into a full-fledged criminal as they fight for privacy, space, and food. The Old Don was considered a real gem in its hey-day for its relatively decent treatment of prisoners. Society is supposed to become more civilized and humane in its treatment of all living things with progress. The Don Jail however is a shocking reminder of just how far we still have to go in ensuring that the dignity and rights of all people are respected. True, the ghosts of the past may haunt the corridors and cells of the Old Don, but the real horrors play themselves out within the confined spaces of the present-day jail.
The Don Jail Part I
THE ‘DON’ OF A NEW JAIL
PART I
Written by Shazia Islam
In 1864, three years before Canada became a nation, the newly-constructed Don Jail opened its doors to the rough and tumble lawbreakers of the land. Construction had almost been completed a few years earlier when, in 1862, fire destroyed the building. The architect, William Thomas‘s original blueprint for the jail was implemented in the re-construction project. However, Thomas passed away in 1860 and was not able to see the completion of his gothic-inspired masterpiece that would awaken the imagination of Torontonians and visitors to the Old Don over a century later.
Although the Don Jail signalled a breakthrough in prison reform, it was no less notorious for meting out severe punishment to its prisoners. There were thirty-four hangings, some of them public, and some of them back to back. The Don was the site of the last hanging in 1962 before Canada abolished the death penalty in 1976. The men were kept in tiny cells measuring a mere 36 inches in width, without a bed or proper plumbing. In the first few years of its opening, the prisoners were given a cell of their own, but as the prison population grew, each cell held up to three men. The prisoners were not allowed to talk and were permitted a short time to exercise each day. It was believed that prisons gave lawbreakers a chance to think about their crimes through a ‘healthy’ dose of isolation, silence, and physical labour. Men of faith would often visit each cell to persuade the inmates to adopt religious practices and beliefs as a means to save them from perdition and give them further guidance in their spiritual quest for redemption, whether the inmates liked it or not.
For all the constraints, the Don was considered a degree above its counterparts in its main aim to reform prisoners by implementing the methods above. The architecture of the facility also had an impact on the overall outlook of its inhabitants. The prison was constructed to allow for an ample amount of natural light with an advanced ventilation system. Furthermore, its regal façade added a hint of charm to the exterior, quite possibly to give prisoners some modicum of comfort as they approached the place of their incarceration. Thomas’s architectural gem was often referred to as “a palace for prisoners”.
Charm aside, the Don was still a place where prisoners went to spend the rest of their lives or a significant portion thereof in caged penitence or to die. Countless stories of violence, abuse, murder, and escape echo in its halls and cells. The old part of the Don was officially closed in 1977, and a new facility that was constructed in 1958 still operates today. The Old Don is now open to the public for tours until November 2009. These guided tours offer visitors a look into the past lives of the men and women who did time there, information about architectural features of the structure, and a host of other crime and punishment trivia. Ironically enough, it is now owned by a far more life-affirming institution, Bridgepoint Health, who will be building a hospital close to the Old Don site.
Stay tuned for the second part in this two-part series of articles about the history, architecture, and legacy of the Don Jail. In next month’s article, join Futureale on a more detailed tour of the Old Don and thought-provoking insight on contemporary prison reform from advocacy groups to correctional institute staff and officials.
PART I
Written by Shazia Islam
In 1864, three years before Canada became a nation, the newly-constructed Don Jail opened its doors to the rough and tumble lawbreakers of the land. Construction had almost been completed a few years earlier when, in 1862, fire destroyed the building. The architect, William Thomas‘s original blueprint for the jail was implemented in the re-construction project. However, Thomas passed away in 1860 and was not able to see the completion of his gothic-inspired masterpiece that would awaken the imagination of Torontonians and visitors to the Old Don over a century later.
Although the Don Jail signalled a breakthrough in prison reform, it was no less notorious for meting out severe punishment to its prisoners. There were thirty-four hangings, some of them public, and some of them back to back. The Don was the site of the last hanging in 1962 before Canada abolished the death penalty in 1976. The men were kept in tiny cells measuring a mere 36 inches in width, without a bed or proper plumbing. In the first few years of its opening, the prisoners were given a cell of their own, but as the prison population grew, each cell held up to three men. The prisoners were not allowed to talk and were permitted a short time to exercise each day. It was believed that prisons gave lawbreakers a chance to think about their crimes through a ‘healthy’ dose of isolation, silence, and physical labour. Men of faith would often visit each cell to persuade the inmates to adopt religious practices and beliefs as a means to save them from perdition and give them further guidance in their spiritual quest for redemption, whether the inmates liked it or not.
For all the constraints, the Don was considered a degree above its counterparts in its main aim to reform prisoners by implementing the methods above. The architecture of the facility also had an impact on the overall outlook of its inhabitants. The prison was constructed to allow for an ample amount of natural light with an advanced ventilation system. Furthermore, its regal façade added a hint of charm to the exterior, quite possibly to give prisoners some modicum of comfort as they approached the place of their incarceration. Thomas’s architectural gem was often referred to as “a palace for prisoners”.
Charm aside, the Don was still a place where prisoners went to spend the rest of their lives or a significant portion thereof in caged penitence or to die. Countless stories of violence, abuse, murder, and escape echo in its halls and cells. The old part of the Don was officially closed in 1977, and a new facility that was constructed in 1958 still operates today. The Old Don is now open to the public for tours until November 2009. These guided tours offer visitors a look into the past lives of the men and women who did time there, information about architectural features of the structure, and a host of other crime and punishment trivia. Ironically enough, it is now owned by a far more life-affirming institution, Bridgepoint Health, who will be building a hospital close to the Old Don site.
Stay tuned for the second part in this two-part series of articles about the history, architecture, and legacy of the Don Jail. In next month’s article, join Futureale on a more detailed tour of the Old Don and thought-provoking insight on contemporary prison reform from advocacy groups to correctional institute staff and officials.
Volunteering Overseas:
An Unforgettable Experience, An Enduring Friendship
I’m fortunate to know people who just decided one day that they would drop everything here for the opportunity to work in a third world country. Although I too have entertained the idea of doing the same, somehow my path led me in a different direction. Sure, it can be a life-changing experience, but there is plenty of that in my carefully constructed bubble. However, at some point, I might have a healthier relationship with life if I allow my inner wisdom to poke and prod until the bubble finally bursts. Well, every time yet another friend stuffs the proverbial backpack with survivor paraphernalia to head south, I feel my feet twitching to follow along. Of course, there is plenty of volunteer work to be done on Canadian shores, from homeless shelters to senior centres. However, volunteering overseas takes a special amount of courage since volunteers are literally stepping into an unknown world ravaged by war, disease, poverty and malnutrition, natural disasters, and a host of other extreme ills. Work sites like refugee camps and squalid slums are far removed from the clean, air-conditioned work environments we’re used to in Canada, but they make up a huge part of a volunteer’s ‘office’ in the third world. But so do schools, village communities, and hospitals. With all these challenges, just what makes people so hungry for this kind of experience and where do they look for it? People like Gurpreet Kambo and Calvin Knight can offer us some insight.
Gurpreet went on a six-month volunteer and educational exchange program through Canada World Youth, an organization that connects young Canadians with their peers from different countries to foster understanding and cooperation. The program consisted of each Canadian participant being paired up with a member of the exchange country, in this case, Honduras. There were nine pairs in total along with a project supervisor from each country. Each pair spent three months in a rural part of Canada with a host family, where the exchange members were able to experience aspects of Canadian culture. They were also given a work placement, and Gurpreet and his exchange buddy got the opportunity to work in a small museum where they conducted tours and worked on the museum’s database among other things. For the second half of the program, the group flew to Honduras, where Gurpreet worked in a government daycare for street children. He and his fellow participants played with the children and taught them English. They also organized fundraisers for the centre and used the money to renovate the place.
All in all, Gurpreet feels that his experience as a volunteer was nothing short of amazing, and if he had the chance to do it again, he would. His main reason for doing it in the first place was to experience something new and meet new people. All too often, we in the West tend to have the attitude that people in the third world need our help and guidance. This way of thinking is reminiscent of the times when Western imperialism was at its zenith. Colonialism played a big part in spreading and imposing Western Christian values and ideals in the non-Christian world destroying the systems, cultures, and traditions native to those regions. Although help is always nice, and is never refused when offered, the attitude that we are the benevolent givers and they are the needy takers requires some adjustment in light of the Western colonial legacy and the continuing impact it has had in the third world. In Gurpreet’s case, he thought the daycare was getting on just fine without their help, but there was still “room for us to do things when we were there”. If we went with the attitude that we have just as much to learn as to give, than it would make for a much healthier relationship between nations and between people in general. Furthermore, we can’t discount the contributions of grassroots organizations to improving the health and well-being of their people. The Grameen Bank is one such example of a micro-credit organization that has made a real difference in the lives of the poor, particularly poor women in Bangladesh, and whose founder, Mohammad Yunus, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006. Many international volunteer groups work in concert with these NGOs (non-government organizations), and provide them with the manpower to administer assistance, groups like Kirabo Canada.
Kirabo Canada was founded by Calvin Knight, a high school teacher who not only wanted to share his knowledge and skills with his students in Canada, but also with kids around the world. He has both gained and given from his experiences in countries like Ethiopia, Tanzania, and Cuba. He spent a lot of time in India where he taught and mentored orphaned boys. Uganda was his next stop and this is where the idea of Kirabo Canada was born. Calvin’s not for profit organization is committed to “providing Canadians with the experience of living in a developing nation through interactions with locals, excursions, and above all volunteering…we create a bond between the Canadian and Uganda”. Kirabo works closely with grassroots organizations in providing educational programs for Ugandan children who have been impoverished by war.
The Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) has been waging a 20-year war against the Ugandan government and is responsible for large-scale human rights abuses including abducting children and turning them into child soldiers and sex slaves. Millions of Ugandans were displaced as a result of the LRA’s armed rebellion in the north. The Ugandan military tried to put a stop to the rebellion, but it only served to intensify LRA aggression. The LRA is a guerilla group led by self-professed messenger of ‘God’, Joseph Kony. Kony and his followers want to establish a theocratic state based on the Biblical Ten Commandments. LRA also represents the interests of the Acholi people who Kony asserts are being discriminated against. Unfortunately, the Acholi suffer a similar fate to that of the abducted children within their ranks. The LRA is wanted by the International Criminal Court in The Hague on war crime charges. In 2006, a truce was called, and the LRA is said to have moved its headquarters to the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Although Uganda has been relatively peaceful for the last three years, the war has had a crippling effect on Uganda’s children. Many of the children are orphans and cannot afford the cost of schooling, which is one of the only ways to escape a life of poverty. The Almond Secondary School was established in 2003 to help children in Lira District, located in the northern region. The school is funded by Kirabo Canada and the primary donor, All Nations Christian Care Centre, a charity registered with the Ugandan government. Kirabo’s goal is to form an ongoing relationship with the kids through sponsorship and hands-on work. A good portion of the fee paid by volunteers who join Kirabo goes towards assisting the educational needs of the children as well as to pay for construction projects.
Another important aspect of the Kirabo volunteer experience is a visit to Rachele Secondary School, a rehabilitation centre for child soldiers that welcomes sponsorship initiatives to allow these children to get another chance at living life in a different way. The organization is 100% volunteer-run, and is committed to putting all money into various projects to help the kids of Uganda. There are of course administrative costs, but these are kept to a minimum.
Kirabo organizes an annual volunteer program in July. A maximum of 15 volunteers can be part of the excursion. Information sessions are planned months in advance to give Canadians a taste of what it might be like. The fee is $4499 and this includes flight, accommodation, transportation, excursions, food and drinks. When the group arrives in Uganda, they get a city tour and attend cultural performances. Then they leave for Lira and visit the Almond School and meet the students and staff. The first part of their day at the school is spent on construction projects and refurbishing anything in need of some repair. Kirabo constructed a courtyard for the school as well as reconstructed a dormitory that was falling apart. Calvin believes that this is an important element of the experience since there is a “physical entity left behind” when the group returns to Canada. In the afternoon, leadership seminars are conducted and the kids take part in educational activities that teach them skills in planning and problem-solving. Although English is the official language, the kids still have a lot of difficulty expressing themselves and so English makes up part of the curriculum. Afterschool some of the kids and volunteers meet to discuss plans for the Kampala and Lira Kids Day, a special day for Uganda’s poorest children, which Calvin started up on one of his first trips to the country. Kirabo works in conjunction with another international organization called Right to Play, which is supported by an international community of professional athletes who promote sport and play in disadvantaged regions of the world. On kids day, children gain confidence in their abilities, and learn about teamwork and cooperation. Kirabo also works with H.E.A.L. International (Health Empowerment Aid Light), another non-profit organization assisting with leadership programs in the area.
Indeed, the work Kirabo does is extensive. Calvin’s thoughts on his personal motivations?
It makes me happy. What I believe is it’s what makes everyone happy. It brings you more happiness than sitting doing nothing. Everyone wants to do their part…an innate desire to help people in need. What I enjoy doing is being directly involved. It has changed my life, and I want to give others the opportunity to do it as well.
…and what’s it like for the volunteers who participate?
It’s good sensory overload. Everything they are seeing, doing, hearing is completely foreign to them. The volunteers are getting just as much as they are giving. It is an uplifting experience to meet people being so happy with so little, which makes it impossible not to re-evaluate your own concerns.
So, yes, overseas volunteering definitely doesn’t sound like a walk in the park. It requires hard-work, courage, openness, and patience, but overall job satisfaction scores very high. People like Gurpreet, other friends I know, Canadian starlets from the Degrassi Generation, to name a few, have answered the calls of their inner voices to give and receive knowledge in one of the most fulfilling ways possible. Also, people like Calvin have made overseas volunteer work a lifelong pursuit. Youth volunteer organizations like Free the Children have set up recruitment programs in schools to encourage our Canadian youth to be part of a volunteer mission and learn something extraordinary about themselves and about the people they assist. Whether you build homes or teach English, play ball or play music, your skills are a welcome contribution to the global volunteer network.
In Gurpreet’s words,If you do do it, put your whole heart into it and have the most memorable experience you can possibly have. It’s not worth doing unless you put everything into it.
Kirabo Canada will be holding a Gala fundraiser at Lula Lounge (1585 Dundas Street West, Toronto, Ontario) on April 26th which will include a silent auction and information booths to learn how to sponsor. The event will also feature performances by some spectacular spoken word and music artists. Tickets are $25 and the show starts at 7pm.
For more information on how you too can grab that nifty backpack and become an overseas volunteer, please visit the following sites:
www.KiraboCanada.ca
www.RightToPlay.com
www.FreeTheChildren.com
www.CanadaWorldYouth.org/en/
Copyright © 2009 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
An Unforgettable Experience, An Enduring Friendship
I’m fortunate to know people who just decided one day that they would drop everything here for the opportunity to work in a third world country. Although I too have entertained the idea of doing the same, somehow my path led me in a different direction. Sure, it can be a life-changing experience, but there is plenty of that in my carefully constructed bubble. However, at some point, I might have a healthier relationship with life if I allow my inner wisdom to poke and prod until the bubble finally bursts. Well, every time yet another friend stuffs the proverbial backpack with survivor paraphernalia to head south, I feel my feet twitching to follow along. Of course, there is plenty of volunteer work to be done on Canadian shores, from homeless shelters to senior centres. However, volunteering overseas takes a special amount of courage since volunteers are literally stepping into an unknown world ravaged by war, disease, poverty and malnutrition, natural disasters, and a host of other extreme ills. Work sites like refugee camps and squalid slums are far removed from the clean, air-conditioned work environments we’re used to in Canada, but they make up a huge part of a volunteer’s ‘office’ in the third world. But so do schools, village communities, and hospitals. With all these challenges, just what makes people so hungry for this kind of experience and where do they look for it? People like Gurpreet Kambo and Calvin Knight can offer us some insight.
Gurpreet went on a six-month volunteer and educational exchange program through Canada World Youth, an organization that connects young Canadians with their peers from different countries to foster understanding and cooperation. The program consisted of each Canadian participant being paired up with a member of the exchange country, in this case, Honduras. There were nine pairs in total along with a project supervisor from each country. Each pair spent three months in a rural part of Canada with a host family, where the exchange members were able to experience aspects of Canadian culture. They were also given a work placement, and Gurpreet and his exchange buddy got the opportunity to work in a small museum where they conducted tours and worked on the museum’s database among other things. For the second half of the program, the group flew to Honduras, where Gurpreet worked in a government daycare for street children. He and his fellow participants played with the children and taught them English. They also organized fundraisers for the centre and used the money to renovate the place.
All in all, Gurpreet feels that his experience as a volunteer was nothing short of amazing, and if he had the chance to do it again, he would. His main reason for doing it in the first place was to experience something new and meet new people. All too often, we in the West tend to have the attitude that people in the third world need our help and guidance. This way of thinking is reminiscent of the times when Western imperialism was at its zenith. Colonialism played a big part in spreading and imposing Western Christian values and ideals in the non-Christian world destroying the systems, cultures, and traditions native to those regions. Although help is always nice, and is never refused when offered, the attitude that we are the benevolent givers and they are the needy takers requires some adjustment in light of the Western colonial legacy and the continuing impact it has had in the third world. In Gurpreet’s case, he thought the daycare was getting on just fine without their help, but there was still “room for us to do things when we were there”. If we went with the attitude that we have just as much to learn as to give, than it would make for a much healthier relationship between nations and between people in general. Furthermore, we can’t discount the contributions of grassroots organizations to improving the health and well-being of their people. The Grameen Bank is one such example of a micro-credit organization that has made a real difference in the lives of the poor, particularly poor women in Bangladesh, and whose founder, Mohammad Yunus, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006. Many international volunteer groups work in concert with these NGOs (non-government organizations), and provide them with the manpower to administer assistance, groups like Kirabo Canada.
Kirabo Canada was founded by Calvin Knight, a high school teacher who not only wanted to share his knowledge and skills with his students in Canada, but also with kids around the world. He has both gained and given from his experiences in countries like Ethiopia, Tanzania, and Cuba. He spent a lot of time in India where he taught and mentored orphaned boys. Uganda was his next stop and this is where the idea of Kirabo Canada was born. Calvin’s not for profit organization is committed to “providing Canadians with the experience of living in a developing nation through interactions with locals, excursions, and above all volunteering…we create a bond between the Canadian and Uganda”. Kirabo works closely with grassroots organizations in providing educational programs for Ugandan children who have been impoverished by war.
The Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) has been waging a 20-year war against the Ugandan government and is responsible for large-scale human rights abuses including abducting children and turning them into child soldiers and sex slaves. Millions of Ugandans were displaced as a result of the LRA’s armed rebellion in the north. The Ugandan military tried to put a stop to the rebellion, but it only served to intensify LRA aggression. The LRA is a guerilla group led by self-professed messenger of ‘God’, Joseph Kony. Kony and his followers want to establish a theocratic state based on the Biblical Ten Commandments. LRA also represents the interests of the Acholi people who Kony asserts are being discriminated against. Unfortunately, the Acholi suffer a similar fate to that of the abducted children within their ranks. The LRA is wanted by the International Criminal Court in The Hague on war crime charges. In 2006, a truce was called, and the LRA is said to have moved its headquarters to the Democratic Republic of Congo.
Although Uganda has been relatively peaceful for the last three years, the war has had a crippling effect on Uganda’s children. Many of the children are orphans and cannot afford the cost of schooling, which is one of the only ways to escape a life of poverty. The Almond Secondary School was established in 2003 to help children in Lira District, located in the northern region. The school is funded by Kirabo Canada and the primary donor, All Nations Christian Care Centre, a charity registered with the Ugandan government. Kirabo’s goal is to form an ongoing relationship with the kids through sponsorship and hands-on work. A good portion of the fee paid by volunteers who join Kirabo goes towards assisting the educational needs of the children as well as to pay for construction projects.
Another important aspect of the Kirabo volunteer experience is a visit to Rachele Secondary School, a rehabilitation centre for child soldiers that welcomes sponsorship initiatives to allow these children to get another chance at living life in a different way. The organization is 100% volunteer-run, and is committed to putting all money into various projects to help the kids of Uganda. There are of course administrative costs, but these are kept to a minimum.
Kirabo organizes an annual volunteer program in July. A maximum of 15 volunteers can be part of the excursion. Information sessions are planned months in advance to give Canadians a taste of what it might be like. The fee is $4499 and this includes flight, accommodation, transportation, excursions, food and drinks. When the group arrives in Uganda, they get a city tour and attend cultural performances. Then they leave for Lira and visit the Almond School and meet the students and staff. The first part of their day at the school is spent on construction projects and refurbishing anything in need of some repair. Kirabo constructed a courtyard for the school as well as reconstructed a dormitory that was falling apart. Calvin believes that this is an important element of the experience since there is a “physical entity left behind” when the group returns to Canada. In the afternoon, leadership seminars are conducted and the kids take part in educational activities that teach them skills in planning and problem-solving. Although English is the official language, the kids still have a lot of difficulty expressing themselves and so English makes up part of the curriculum. Afterschool some of the kids and volunteers meet to discuss plans for the Kampala and Lira Kids Day, a special day for Uganda’s poorest children, which Calvin started up on one of his first trips to the country. Kirabo works in conjunction with another international organization called Right to Play, which is supported by an international community of professional athletes who promote sport and play in disadvantaged regions of the world. On kids day, children gain confidence in their abilities, and learn about teamwork and cooperation. Kirabo also works with H.E.A.L. International (Health Empowerment Aid Light), another non-profit organization assisting with leadership programs in the area.
Indeed, the work Kirabo does is extensive. Calvin’s thoughts on his personal motivations?
It makes me happy. What I believe is it’s what makes everyone happy. It brings you more happiness than sitting doing nothing. Everyone wants to do their part…an innate desire to help people in need. What I enjoy doing is being directly involved. It has changed my life, and I want to give others the opportunity to do it as well.
…and what’s it like for the volunteers who participate?
It’s good sensory overload. Everything they are seeing, doing, hearing is completely foreign to them. The volunteers are getting just as much as they are giving. It is an uplifting experience to meet people being so happy with so little, which makes it impossible not to re-evaluate your own concerns.
So, yes, overseas volunteering definitely doesn’t sound like a walk in the park. It requires hard-work, courage, openness, and patience, but overall job satisfaction scores very high. People like Gurpreet, other friends I know, Canadian starlets from the Degrassi Generation, to name a few, have answered the calls of their inner voices to give and receive knowledge in one of the most fulfilling ways possible. Also, people like Calvin have made overseas volunteer work a lifelong pursuit. Youth volunteer organizations like Free the Children have set up recruitment programs in schools to encourage our Canadian youth to be part of a volunteer mission and learn something extraordinary about themselves and about the people they assist. Whether you build homes or teach English, play ball or play music, your skills are a welcome contribution to the global volunteer network.
In Gurpreet’s words,If you do do it, put your whole heart into it and have the most memorable experience you can possibly have. It’s not worth doing unless you put everything into it.
Kirabo Canada will be holding a Gala fundraiser at Lula Lounge (1585 Dundas Street West, Toronto, Ontario) on April 26th which will include a silent auction and information booths to learn how to sponsor. The event will also feature performances by some spectacular spoken word and music artists. Tickets are $25 and the show starts at 7pm.
For more information on how you too can grab that nifty backpack and become an overseas volunteer, please visit the following sites:
www.KiraboCanada.ca
www.RightToPlay.com
www.FreeTheChildren.com
www.CanadaWorldYouth.org/en/
Copyright © 2009 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
The Spirit of Giving
THE SPIRIT OF GIVING
By Shazia Islam
December is a time of year when people generally think a little more about the poor, and therefore give just a little more. It’s unfortunate that those who are living in dire circumstances where food is practically a luxury must wait until the holiday season to receive a surplus of charity. The fact that the food bank is having trouble filling its quota and making enough to carry them through the winter in Canada’s largest city might be a reflection or warning of tough times ahead. Of course all humans are complicated beings with complicated lives, and things are never easy especially when the country’s economic future is on the brink of…something. Hopefully disaster isn’t the word my mind is going to push forward. However, it could very well be a disaster, and if so, how many of us are going to pull our family close to us and look out for their needs – yours, mine, ours – and their needs only? How many of us will be able to think about the millions of people living out their lives from shelter to shelter, soup kitchen to soup kitchen, welfare to welfare, some without bank accounts, others without identities? How many of us will forego the Christmas presents this year and settle for everyone giving as much as they can to charities like Daily Bread Food Bank and The Salvation Army?
The truth is, poverty and inequality have been on the rise since 1995. There are 1.3 million low-income children in Ontario. Almost thirty percent of families in Toronto are living below the poverty line. Queen’s Park is expected to invest $720 million next year as part of a plan to eradicate poverty. The Federal government sends child benefit cheques to help hungry families, but has also cut back on other programs and subsidies to make up for the amount being spent on the monthly allowance. Families are basically no better off than they were without the cheques. In such circumstances, relying on the kindness of strangers is the only other choice they have until, by some combination of determination and luck, they are able to pull themselves out of poverty’s black hole. This, of course, does not often happen. Although success stories do abound about people overcoming destitution, those stories account for only a small percentage, in other words, the lucky few. The rest of the lot suffer through life on their meager earnings and provisions.
This is where giving plays a vital role in helping poverty-stricken families and communities survive the indignities of hunger, poor health, lack of education, unemployment, inequality, and exclusion. The government of our country has a responsibility to meet the needs of all of its citizens through policies designed to narrow the rich-poor gap, but it’s regular Joes like us who can make a real difference in the lives of others just by turning the holiday spirit of giving into a year-round tradition. This isn’t too hard to do if we viewed charity more as a duty than a choice. We could make arrangements with our financial institutions to automatically debit a small amount from our accounts in the same way we pay our bills. The charity of our choice would be like a bill to pay, but instead of paying a corporation to maintain our lifestyles, we’d be paying a non-profit organization to provide the basic needs and more for the city’s poor.
There are scores of charities in the GTA that help different communities in different ways from providing healthcare services to assisting people with addictions, from raising awareness of terminal illnesses to offering a safe place from abuse. There are charities that help animals too like The Royal Humane Society. It is a matter of personal choice as to which charity to support, but charities that help alleviate the deprivation caused by poverty should be given priority. Adlai Stevenson, an American politician, once said “it is not easy for [people] to rise whose qualities are thwarted by poverty”. How true indeed! A hungry child can’t concentrate in school. A single mother can’t work because she can’t afford the cost of daycare. A homeless man can’t afford a suit and tie. Homeless youth can’t fit into the ‘system’ and end up selling their souls to drug lords and pimps. New immigrants can’t get jobs they’re actually qualified for because they can’t speak English fluently, and therefore, must settle for the low-paying jobs that no one else will take. Also, the struggles of our First Nations communities to escape the indigence in the reservations have gone on for decades. There are many more communities who are suffering the same fate.
Self-righteousness is sometimes used as an excuse not to give. We sometimes think that the reason why some people are poor is because they chose it. Another judgment is when we criticize people on welfare. Of course, we can never fully comprehend the choices people make in their lives unless we put ourselves in their shoes. No one deserves to go without the basics, particularly children. And because so much of the future of this country rests on our youth, it is imperative that we give all children a chance to achieve their goals.
This holiday, make charity your number one priority. Leave the Ipods, Playstations, and big screen TV sets off of your Christmas lists, and donate your time, money, goods, and healing energy to the poor. Celebrate the true spirit of giving by making it a year-round endeavour until it becomes as traditional and indispensable as Christmas dinner.
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
By Shazia Islam
December is a time of year when people generally think a little more about the poor, and therefore give just a little more. It’s unfortunate that those who are living in dire circumstances where food is practically a luxury must wait until the holiday season to receive a surplus of charity. The fact that the food bank is having trouble filling its quota and making enough to carry them through the winter in Canada’s largest city might be a reflection or warning of tough times ahead. Of course all humans are complicated beings with complicated lives, and things are never easy especially when the country’s economic future is on the brink of…something. Hopefully disaster isn’t the word my mind is going to push forward. However, it could very well be a disaster, and if so, how many of us are going to pull our family close to us and look out for their needs – yours, mine, ours – and their needs only? How many of us will be able to think about the millions of people living out their lives from shelter to shelter, soup kitchen to soup kitchen, welfare to welfare, some without bank accounts, others without identities? How many of us will forego the Christmas presents this year and settle for everyone giving as much as they can to charities like Daily Bread Food Bank and The Salvation Army?
The truth is, poverty and inequality have been on the rise since 1995. There are 1.3 million low-income children in Ontario. Almost thirty percent of families in Toronto are living below the poverty line. Queen’s Park is expected to invest $720 million next year as part of a plan to eradicate poverty. The Federal government sends child benefit cheques to help hungry families, but has also cut back on other programs and subsidies to make up for the amount being spent on the monthly allowance. Families are basically no better off than they were without the cheques. In such circumstances, relying on the kindness of strangers is the only other choice they have until, by some combination of determination and luck, they are able to pull themselves out of poverty’s black hole. This, of course, does not often happen. Although success stories do abound about people overcoming destitution, those stories account for only a small percentage, in other words, the lucky few. The rest of the lot suffer through life on their meager earnings and provisions.
This is where giving plays a vital role in helping poverty-stricken families and communities survive the indignities of hunger, poor health, lack of education, unemployment, inequality, and exclusion. The government of our country has a responsibility to meet the needs of all of its citizens through policies designed to narrow the rich-poor gap, but it’s regular Joes like us who can make a real difference in the lives of others just by turning the holiday spirit of giving into a year-round tradition. This isn’t too hard to do if we viewed charity more as a duty than a choice. We could make arrangements with our financial institutions to automatically debit a small amount from our accounts in the same way we pay our bills. The charity of our choice would be like a bill to pay, but instead of paying a corporation to maintain our lifestyles, we’d be paying a non-profit organization to provide the basic needs and more for the city’s poor.
There are scores of charities in the GTA that help different communities in different ways from providing healthcare services to assisting people with addictions, from raising awareness of terminal illnesses to offering a safe place from abuse. There are charities that help animals too like The Royal Humane Society. It is a matter of personal choice as to which charity to support, but charities that help alleviate the deprivation caused by poverty should be given priority. Adlai Stevenson, an American politician, once said “it is not easy for [people] to rise whose qualities are thwarted by poverty”. How true indeed! A hungry child can’t concentrate in school. A single mother can’t work because she can’t afford the cost of daycare. A homeless man can’t afford a suit and tie. Homeless youth can’t fit into the ‘system’ and end up selling their souls to drug lords and pimps. New immigrants can’t get jobs they’re actually qualified for because they can’t speak English fluently, and therefore, must settle for the low-paying jobs that no one else will take. Also, the struggles of our First Nations communities to escape the indigence in the reservations have gone on for decades. There are many more communities who are suffering the same fate.
Self-righteousness is sometimes used as an excuse not to give. We sometimes think that the reason why some people are poor is because they chose it. Another judgment is when we criticize people on welfare. Of course, we can never fully comprehend the choices people make in their lives unless we put ourselves in their shoes. No one deserves to go without the basics, particularly children. And because so much of the future of this country rests on our youth, it is imperative that we give all children a chance to achieve their goals.
This holiday, make charity your number one priority. Leave the Ipods, Playstations, and big screen TV sets off of your Christmas lists, and donate your time, money, goods, and healing energy to the poor. Celebrate the true spirit of giving by making it a year-round endeavour until it becomes as traditional and indispensable as Christmas dinner.
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
The Power of the Mind
The Power of the Mind: Can We Change who we are?
Does humankind have a bright future ahead? Our technologically-advanced age has brought a bevy of benefits, one of which is the ability to communicate with people all over the globe in real time. Take the internet, for example, it has become the most effective way of making your presence known to millions of people out there. Dreams can be realized. Wealth can be gained. Your message can be heard. All the latest news is at your fingertips. The internet is a great resource to get us out of our seats and out there, meeting people, using the information we’ve gained, perhaps to better our circumstances. Are there people out there realizing their dreams? Absolutely! But there are also many people who fall through the cracks, due to choice and circumstance among other things. We get stuck living our ordinary lives in fear of opening ourselves up to living life in a different way, where we take risks in order to achieve what we want most. And we ask ourselves, so is this really it? When the answer’s right there on all those screens we look at 24-7, we try to find more ways to fill that cavity, the space where once our dreams and imagination once resided.
Then again, some people are totally happy with their lives. They’ve got their families and careers to fill up their days. Well, it is the American/Canadian dream y’know! Life is good when you’re part of the blessed middle-class, and you know the direction you’re heading. But then why are so many people from this particular class packing auditoriums to see personal development speakers like Tony Robbins, registering for Oprah and Eckhart Tolle’s “Awakening your Life’s Purpose” on-line classes, joining consciousness-raising and wealth-generating organizations like HUB (Humanity Unites Brilliance), reading up on The Secret and The Laws of Attraction, and watching one of the most successful documentary films of all time, “What the Bleep Do We Know”? Well, maybe, just maybe, people are looking for something more than just the ordinary. We’re looking to regain our power and rediscover our true potential in the face of so much outside stimuli telling us how to live and what to believe. We want control of our lives again, and the people and the philosophies above might help us get closer to our personal truth.
Tony Robbins, the gentle giant with a big voice and powerful persona, has reached millions by selling millions of his motivational books and lectures. He was recently in Toronto presenting his “Unleash the Power Within” weekend-long life coaching session. Tickets ranged from a whopping $800 to $1200, but, as explained by Robbins himself, this was a way to ensure that people were self-motivated and committed from the start. All he had to do was give them that extra push because if he could survive the doldrums of an unfulfilling existence, which is what stirred him to get cracking, then anyone could. His best-selling book “Awaken the Giant Within”, in short, is probably the bible of motivational psychology, although there are others that come in at a close second. Tony reveals in his book how to take control of every aspect of your life including your emotions, your health, your relationships, and your finances through a solid and practical step-by-step approach.
He helps us identify our values – even in the process of identifying those values, we may cross out some pre-existing ones, and shows us how to strengthen our values through changing our limiting beliefs and taking action. He tells us to set clear and specific goals, so when we take action, action that is in harmony with our values, we know exactly what we need to do.
“Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become the leaders of our society…We must remember that all decision making comes down to values clarification.”
Throughout the book, he encourages us to keep our eyes on our goals, and to stay positive, as a positive outlook increases the chances of bringing us that much closer to our goals. Not just that, but positive thinking gives us the motivation to get up everyday and keep giving our best to ourselves and to the world.
Another rising star, closer to home, who echoes Tony’s self-empowerment principles, is Danish Ahmed, also a personal development speaker and the founding Canadian member of HUB, Humanity Unites Brilliance, a wealth-generating community whose main focus is to make a positive impact on the world by creating wealth for local and international charities and non-profits. Danish has accomplished a lot. He has produced short films, written a best-selling book called “Dictionary of Distinctions”, organized positive networking events, is currently working on an inspirational feature film called “What is Possible”, and is a partner of the new wellness centre in town, Universal Light Centre, which offers courses in yoga, dance, and the healing arts.
Danish was inspired to make a move and change the course of his destiny through learning from people like Tony Robbins. Like Robbins, he too had to overcome some pretty serious obstacles in his life, being an albino, and having faced sexual abuse and poverty growing up. He did it through determination and discipline, focusing on the desire to have a great life, and to live that life everyday. Danish feels that the reason why it’s so difficult for people to change their circumstances is because “they surround themselves with the media that condition them to be mediocre”. In order to lift ourselves from our quicksand couches that swallow every piece of ourselves, always leaving the remote in plain site, we have to learn the psychology of taking action and moving in the direction of our goals by practicing it on a daily basis until it becomes second nature. It’s part of creating another pathway in the brain, a pathway that will take us down a different road, one that will bring us closer to our life’s purpose. Like Tony, Danish is not out there to convince people who won’t listen. He surrounds himself with like-minded people, people who also feel the urgency to change for the better, and start living a life with purpose and optimism.
Here are just some of Danish’s words of wisdom:
“When we learn to love ourselves for everything that we are, we learn to love others for everything that they are."
"As we generate and give love freely to others, we create the energy within us that attracts more love into our lives."
"Every moment has the possibility of endless choices. Every moment is choice."
"It's impossible to feel unfulfilled when we're helping somebody else."
"If you want to improve in something, then learn about it and have it be part of your conversations."
For more information on Danish and his life-changing projects, visit www.ordinarywords.com.
There are scores of self-development books focusing on the power of belief, ranging from the practical to the spiritual including Vancouver author, Eckhart Tolle’s best-selling Oprah-endorsed hit, “A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose”. You can read a review about it by Stephanie Zubcic in the June issue of Futureale. The book and the successful online class with Oprah and Eckhart encouraged millions of readers to let go of their limiting desires, desires based on ego, and “awaken” to their true selves by staying in the moment and reaching for their higher selves in every situation. Also, books like “The Secret” based on the hit internet documentary of the same name and “The Laws of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham” by Esther Hicks explain how our thoughts control reality, and that by changing the way we think, we can change our circumstances to create positive results.
One of the most ground-breaking explorations on the thoughts-reality paradigm was elucidated in the hit docu-drama film “What the Bleep Do We Know”. It started out as a low-budget independent, but then went on to win numerous independent film awards, and eventually became one of the most successful independents of all time. It was well-received at various film festivals, but it also had its critics, who labeled the film as a pseudo-scientific attempt at making sense of our world. The film claims that there is a strong correlation between thoughts and our physical environment, that we can actually shift the energy in our environment just by thinking of changing it. The film combines studies done in quantum physics with consciousness-raising spiritual practices. What we believe or think to be true is manifested in ourselves and in our environment. The makers of the film also came out with a sequel “What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole”, which explored the theories presented in the first film even further.
It’s quite a powerful belief that thoughts can change reality. All of the people mentioned above are proponents of that wisdom. The overall message is that positive thinking creates positive results in your life and the lives of others. But it’s not always easy to think positive in the face of events and situations that threaten our survival. When cancer patients are told they only have six months to live, those words have significant bearing on what they think and do in the next six months. Likewise, people in war-ravaged countries face an even greater challenge where questions about their own humanity are raised everyday under the threat of violence and death. Others who have experienced severe trauma in their childhoods, including physical and sexual abuse at the hands of someone they trusted, may not find it so easy to suddenly put a smile on their faces and ‘think positive’, but some of them do find a way. Tony Robbins mentions in his book how people with Multiple Personality Disorder, recently renamed as Dissociative Identity Disorder, not only change who they are, but also what they look like as they move from one personality to another to help them deal with the abuse. If one of the personalities is afflicted with an illness, it won’t show in the other personality. Perhaps this is further proof of how powerful and complex our minds are. In Uri Gellar’s book, “Mind Medicine”, he writes about his metal-bending gift, and points out the fact that we only use a small part of our brain, and that it is possible through meditation to unlock its hidden gems to unleash the power Tony Robbins talks about. Furthermore, the Placebo effect has been around since the beginning of the 20th century. It is based on the idea that patients are told that a drug will cure them of their illness or provide temporary relief of their symptoms, when in actuality, the substance is nothing more than a sugar pill. Studies have indicated that patients taking the placebo experience an improvement in their condition or performance.
Of course, there are skeptics who say all this talk about making something happen just by thinking it is nothing more than new-age drivel. Although the naysayers do recognize the power of self-motivation, they are definitely not going to be waiting in line to welcome this way of thinking with enthusiastic applause. The medical establishment, the drug industry, and mainstream media thrive on our willingness to look for answers outside ourselves, look for quick fixes, and remain too distracted by our illusions to seek and question knowledge ourselves. What a catastrophe it would be for these industries if people began looking for answers and healing within themselves.
In short, the idea that we have healing built into our systems, that our lives can change for the better regardless of what we might have suffered or are suffering, and that there are no limits to what we can accomplish is quite a propitious one. So forget that there’s a higher power above making all the decisions for you. According to supporters of thought-controls-reality, god is within you. I guess the only way to find out is to go ahead and give it a try. You never know, you might bend more than just metal.
Written by Shazia Islam
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
Does humankind have a bright future ahead? Our technologically-advanced age has brought a bevy of benefits, one of which is the ability to communicate with people all over the globe in real time. Take the internet, for example, it has become the most effective way of making your presence known to millions of people out there. Dreams can be realized. Wealth can be gained. Your message can be heard. All the latest news is at your fingertips. The internet is a great resource to get us out of our seats and out there, meeting people, using the information we’ve gained, perhaps to better our circumstances. Are there people out there realizing their dreams? Absolutely! But there are also many people who fall through the cracks, due to choice and circumstance among other things. We get stuck living our ordinary lives in fear of opening ourselves up to living life in a different way, where we take risks in order to achieve what we want most. And we ask ourselves, so is this really it? When the answer’s right there on all those screens we look at 24-7, we try to find more ways to fill that cavity, the space where once our dreams and imagination once resided.
Then again, some people are totally happy with their lives. They’ve got their families and careers to fill up their days. Well, it is the American/Canadian dream y’know! Life is good when you’re part of the blessed middle-class, and you know the direction you’re heading. But then why are so many people from this particular class packing auditoriums to see personal development speakers like Tony Robbins, registering for Oprah and Eckhart Tolle’s “Awakening your Life’s Purpose” on-line classes, joining consciousness-raising and wealth-generating organizations like HUB (Humanity Unites Brilliance), reading up on The Secret and The Laws of Attraction, and watching one of the most successful documentary films of all time, “What the Bleep Do We Know”? Well, maybe, just maybe, people are looking for something more than just the ordinary. We’re looking to regain our power and rediscover our true potential in the face of so much outside stimuli telling us how to live and what to believe. We want control of our lives again, and the people and the philosophies above might help us get closer to our personal truth.
Tony Robbins, the gentle giant with a big voice and powerful persona, has reached millions by selling millions of his motivational books and lectures. He was recently in Toronto presenting his “Unleash the Power Within” weekend-long life coaching session. Tickets ranged from a whopping $800 to $1200, but, as explained by Robbins himself, this was a way to ensure that people were self-motivated and committed from the start. All he had to do was give them that extra push because if he could survive the doldrums of an unfulfilling existence, which is what stirred him to get cracking, then anyone could. His best-selling book “Awaken the Giant Within”, in short, is probably the bible of motivational psychology, although there are others that come in at a close second. Tony reveals in his book how to take control of every aspect of your life including your emotions, your health, your relationships, and your finances through a solid and practical step-by-step approach.
He helps us identify our values – even in the process of identifying those values, we may cross out some pre-existing ones, and shows us how to strengthen our values through changing our limiting beliefs and taking action. He tells us to set clear and specific goals, so when we take action, action that is in harmony with our values, we know exactly what we need to do.
“Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become the leaders of our society…We must remember that all decision making comes down to values clarification.”
Throughout the book, he encourages us to keep our eyes on our goals, and to stay positive, as a positive outlook increases the chances of bringing us that much closer to our goals. Not just that, but positive thinking gives us the motivation to get up everyday and keep giving our best to ourselves and to the world.
Another rising star, closer to home, who echoes Tony’s self-empowerment principles, is Danish Ahmed, also a personal development speaker and the founding Canadian member of HUB, Humanity Unites Brilliance, a wealth-generating community whose main focus is to make a positive impact on the world by creating wealth for local and international charities and non-profits. Danish has accomplished a lot. He has produced short films, written a best-selling book called “Dictionary of Distinctions”, organized positive networking events, is currently working on an inspirational feature film called “What is Possible”, and is a partner of the new wellness centre in town, Universal Light Centre, which offers courses in yoga, dance, and the healing arts.
Danish was inspired to make a move and change the course of his destiny through learning from people like Tony Robbins. Like Robbins, he too had to overcome some pretty serious obstacles in his life, being an albino, and having faced sexual abuse and poverty growing up. He did it through determination and discipline, focusing on the desire to have a great life, and to live that life everyday. Danish feels that the reason why it’s so difficult for people to change their circumstances is because “they surround themselves with the media that condition them to be mediocre”. In order to lift ourselves from our quicksand couches that swallow every piece of ourselves, always leaving the remote in plain site, we have to learn the psychology of taking action and moving in the direction of our goals by practicing it on a daily basis until it becomes second nature. It’s part of creating another pathway in the brain, a pathway that will take us down a different road, one that will bring us closer to our life’s purpose. Like Tony, Danish is not out there to convince people who won’t listen. He surrounds himself with like-minded people, people who also feel the urgency to change for the better, and start living a life with purpose and optimism.
Here are just some of Danish’s words of wisdom:
“When we learn to love ourselves for everything that we are, we learn to love others for everything that they are."
"As we generate and give love freely to others, we create the energy within us that attracts more love into our lives."
"Every moment has the possibility of endless choices. Every moment is choice."
"It's impossible to feel unfulfilled when we're helping somebody else."
"If you want to improve in something, then learn about it and have it be part of your conversations."
For more information on Danish and his life-changing projects, visit www.ordinarywords.com.
There are scores of self-development books focusing on the power of belief, ranging from the practical to the spiritual including Vancouver author, Eckhart Tolle’s best-selling Oprah-endorsed hit, “A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose”. You can read a review about it by Stephanie Zubcic in the June issue of Futureale. The book and the successful online class with Oprah and Eckhart encouraged millions of readers to let go of their limiting desires, desires based on ego, and “awaken” to their true selves by staying in the moment and reaching for their higher selves in every situation. Also, books like “The Secret” based on the hit internet documentary of the same name and “The Laws of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham” by Esther Hicks explain how our thoughts control reality, and that by changing the way we think, we can change our circumstances to create positive results.
One of the most ground-breaking explorations on the thoughts-reality paradigm was elucidated in the hit docu-drama film “What the Bleep Do We Know”. It started out as a low-budget independent, but then went on to win numerous independent film awards, and eventually became one of the most successful independents of all time. It was well-received at various film festivals, but it also had its critics, who labeled the film as a pseudo-scientific attempt at making sense of our world. The film claims that there is a strong correlation between thoughts and our physical environment, that we can actually shift the energy in our environment just by thinking of changing it. The film combines studies done in quantum physics with consciousness-raising spiritual practices. What we believe or think to be true is manifested in ourselves and in our environment. The makers of the film also came out with a sequel “What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole”, which explored the theories presented in the first film even further.
It’s quite a powerful belief that thoughts can change reality. All of the people mentioned above are proponents of that wisdom. The overall message is that positive thinking creates positive results in your life and the lives of others. But it’s not always easy to think positive in the face of events and situations that threaten our survival. When cancer patients are told they only have six months to live, those words have significant bearing on what they think and do in the next six months. Likewise, people in war-ravaged countries face an even greater challenge where questions about their own humanity are raised everyday under the threat of violence and death. Others who have experienced severe trauma in their childhoods, including physical and sexual abuse at the hands of someone they trusted, may not find it so easy to suddenly put a smile on their faces and ‘think positive’, but some of them do find a way. Tony Robbins mentions in his book how people with Multiple Personality Disorder, recently renamed as Dissociative Identity Disorder, not only change who they are, but also what they look like as they move from one personality to another to help them deal with the abuse. If one of the personalities is afflicted with an illness, it won’t show in the other personality. Perhaps this is further proof of how powerful and complex our minds are. In Uri Gellar’s book, “Mind Medicine”, he writes about his metal-bending gift, and points out the fact that we only use a small part of our brain, and that it is possible through meditation to unlock its hidden gems to unleash the power Tony Robbins talks about. Furthermore, the Placebo effect has been around since the beginning of the 20th century. It is based on the idea that patients are told that a drug will cure them of their illness or provide temporary relief of their symptoms, when in actuality, the substance is nothing more than a sugar pill. Studies have indicated that patients taking the placebo experience an improvement in their condition or performance.
Of course, there are skeptics who say all this talk about making something happen just by thinking it is nothing more than new-age drivel. Although the naysayers do recognize the power of self-motivation, they are definitely not going to be waiting in line to welcome this way of thinking with enthusiastic applause. The medical establishment, the drug industry, and mainstream media thrive on our willingness to look for answers outside ourselves, look for quick fixes, and remain too distracted by our illusions to seek and question knowledge ourselves. What a catastrophe it would be for these industries if people began looking for answers and healing within themselves.
In short, the idea that we have healing built into our systems, that our lives can change for the better regardless of what we might have suffered or are suffering, and that there are no limits to what we can accomplish is quite a propitious one. So forget that there’s a higher power above making all the decisions for you. According to supporters of thought-controls-reality, god is within you. I guess the only way to find out is to go ahead and give it a try. You never know, you might bend more than just metal.
Written by Shazia Islam
Copyright © 2008 Shazia Islam. All Rights Reserved.
Summer Fitness
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS AND SUMMER FITNESS: WALKING ON SUNSHINE
Written by Shazia Islam
Toronto is welcoming the first glorious waves of summer - let‘s just hope it’s not another unbearable heat wave! Technically, it’s spring, but in this city, spring is a bit indecisive and frequently allows winter’s frosty breath to invade its space with intermittent spells of cool temperatures, even snow, just to mess with our minds. Whatever we choose to call our seasons in T.O., it’s definitely time to throw out the thermal underwear. The flowers are well on their way to blooming, people are out mowing their lawns, and the city is buzzing with outdoor events and activities to suit all manner of taste and lifestyle. This is the best time to dust off that New Year’s list of resolutions you conveniently forgot about from January till now, and perhaps give your number one resolution - the one circled in red - a go. Just what is that resolution that always seems to get the prized position on top of the lists of millions of other dreamers like you? It certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. You know it and I know it: it’s time to GET FIT!
There are a myriad of ways to get fit like joining boot camps, fitness clubs and hot yoga classes, hiking, cycling, running, roller-blading, swimming, and playing sports. The key is to do something you enjoy and do it outdoors. We spend a lot of our time cooped up indoors because our livelihoods depend on it; you can’t exactly ask your boss if you could work out the details of a million-dollar account in the park! Reality for many people is not having enough motivation nor time to exercise. Some people spend loads of money on home treadmills and exercise bikes, but the equipment ends up becoming just another decorative piece you’d rather cover with your potted plants. Indeed, finding time out of our busy schedules to get rid of the hot dog and McD calories we rang up at our short lunch breaks is definitely a challenge in a fast-paced metropolis like Toronto. However, there is hope. All we have to do is put one foot in front of another and walk. Walk.
If you’re pretty close to the city and close to where you work, you might want to consider walking. It’s a great way to keep you in shape, especially since the weather is getting so much more agreeable. Walking has many other benefits as well. Unlike running, walking does not cause any strain on your joints and internal organs. It’s important to do some stretching before and after the walk if it’s a particularly long walk like going from the Danforth, over the bridge, and into the city centre. Walking allows you to go at your own pace; you can go as slow or as fast as you like. Personally, I think keeping a slower pace gives you a chance to really see the city and its many faces and places. Accidents tend to be minimal when we move slowly in general. Of course there are always exceptions, so it’s good to stay cautious and look both ways before crossing an intersection. With walking, you can also take detours through the lovely neighbourhoods of Toronto, and witness summer coming alive on the front lawns of people’s homes. You can also stop to have a coffee or a smoothie, read the paper, and then once again, be on your way if you’ve given yourself plenty of time to get to your destination...
Now you’re probably thinking that walking at a turtle’s pace ain’t gonna help you get fit any time soon. Actually, getting fit gradually is much better in the long term. If we rush into our exercise routine with the idea that we’re going to lose tons of weight in a few short days, chances are the weight will come back sooner than we think. We spend most of our day in rush mode, and our bodies deserve a break from all the running around. Some of the advantages of walking include a lower incidence of heart disease, a longer life, improved mental and spiritual faculties, regulation of blood sugar levels, and an increase in coordination and balance. Health experts always encourage people to walk at least half an hour to 45 minutes a day to improve cardio-vascular health. Furthermore, when we go for a daily stroll, the movement releases endorphins, the ‘happy’ hormones, into our blood stream, which is a great way to combat anxiety and depression. Our stress levels have a tendency to escalate when we’re stuck in a car during rush hour and breathe in toxic fumes from car exhaust. It is no wonder drivers get frustrated, making rear-enders and accidents more likely. Walking takes care of our stress and the environment!
Most importantly, walking is easy and free. You don’t have to make room in your schedule to do it, and you don’t need any special equipment. Some water and a comfortable pair of shoes will suffice. You get to take the time to say ‘hi’ to the people you pass by, pet their dogs, admire Toronto’s architectural wonders, and enjoy the open air and green spaces. By the time you arrive at work, you’ll be mentally prepared for the day. If you make a commitment to walking to and from work at least twice a week or even three times a week during the summer months, you’re going to be feeling a whole lot more fit and fabulous. The New Year’s resolution you made will then become effortless and you will be proud of yourself for following through and achieving the most hardest-to-reach goal.
If you would like to walk for a cause, there are plenty happening in the next couple of months including the 6th Annual K9 Rescue Walk-a-thon on June 14th from 10am to 12 noon. The event raises awareness of pets in need and helps abandoned, abused, neglected, and homeless dogs in Ontario. For more information, visit the site at www.k9rescueme.com . The World Partnership Walk takes place on May 31st. It is an international event organized to raise funds for international development programs. It is a 5K walk and it begins at 10:30am. For more information on how to participate, visit www.WorldPartnershipWalk.com . One other walk/run event is the Walk/Run and Family Fun Day for Colon Cancer also held on May 31st. Details can be found on www.ColonCancerCanada.ca .
Not only can you check off your number one resolution, but you can also check off a couple others including the ones about going more green and making the world a better place by helping others. Walking can make a huge impact on our life and our communities. If you want to do something that’ll make you feel good in every way this summer, then walking is just the right activity for you!
Written by Shazia Islam
Toronto is welcoming the first glorious waves of summer - let‘s just hope it’s not another unbearable heat wave! Technically, it’s spring, but in this city, spring is a bit indecisive and frequently allows winter’s frosty breath to invade its space with intermittent spells of cool temperatures, even snow, just to mess with our minds. Whatever we choose to call our seasons in T.O., it’s definitely time to throw out the thermal underwear. The flowers are well on their way to blooming, people are out mowing their lawns, and the city is buzzing with outdoor events and activities to suit all manner of taste and lifestyle. This is the best time to dust off that New Year’s list of resolutions you conveniently forgot about from January till now, and perhaps give your number one resolution - the one circled in red - a go. Just what is that resolution that always seems to get the prized position on top of the lists of millions of other dreamers like you? It certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. You know it and I know it: it’s time to GET FIT!
There are a myriad of ways to get fit like joining boot camps, fitness clubs and hot yoga classes, hiking, cycling, running, roller-blading, swimming, and playing sports. The key is to do something you enjoy and do it outdoors. We spend a lot of our time cooped up indoors because our livelihoods depend on it; you can’t exactly ask your boss if you could work out the details of a million-dollar account in the park! Reality for many people is not having enough motivation nor time to exercise. Some people spend loads of money on home treadmills and exercise bikes, but the equipment ends up becoming just another decorative piece you’d rather cover with your potted plants. Indeed, finding time out of our busy schedules to get rid of the hot dog and McD calories we rang up at our short lunch breaks is definitely a challenge in a fast-paced metropolis like Toronto. However, there is hope. All we have to do is put one foot in front of another and walk. Walk.
If you’re pretty close to the city and close to where you work, you might want to consider walking. It’s a great way to keep you in shape, especially since the weather is getting so much more agreeable. Walking has many other benefits as well. Unlike running, walking does not cause any strain on your joints and internal organs. It’s important to do some stretching before and after the walk if it’s a particularly long walk like going from the Danforth, over the bridge, and into the city centre. Walking allows you to go at your own pace; you can go as slow or as fast as you like. Personally, I think keeping a slower pace gives you a chance to really see the city and its many faces and places. Accidents tend to be minimal when we move slowly in general. Of course there are always exceptions, so it’s good to stay cautious and look both ways before crossing an intersection. With walking, you can also take detours through the lovely neighbourhoods of Toronto, and witness summer coming alive on the front lawns of people’s homes. You can also stop to have a coffee or a smoothie, read the paper, and then once again, be on your way if you’ve given yourself plenty of time to get to your destination...
Now you’re probably thinking that walking at a turtle’s pace ain’t gonna help you get fit any time soon. Actually, getting fit gradually is much better in the long term. If we rush into our exercise routine with the idea that we’re going to lose tons of weight in a few short days, chances are the weight will come back sooner than we think. We spend most of our day in rush mode, and our bodies deserve a break from all the running around. Some of the advantages of walking include a lower incidence of heart disease, a longer life, improved mental and spiritual faculties, regulation of blood sugar levels, and an increase in coordination and balance. Health experts always encourage people to walk at least half an hour to 45 minutes a day to improve cardio-vascular health. Furthermore, when we go for a daily stroll, the movement releases endorphins, the ‘happy’ hormones, into our blood stream, which is a great way to combat anxiety and depression. Our stress levels have a tendency to escalate when we’re stuck in a car during rush hour and breathe in toxic fumes from car exhaust. It is no wonder drivers get frustrated, making rear-enders and accidents more likely. Walking takes care of our stress and the environment!
Most importantly, walking is easy and free. You don’t have to make room in your schedule to do it, and you don’t need any special equipment. Some water and a comfortable pair of shoes will suffice. You get to take the time to say ‘hi’ to the people you pass by, pet their dogs, admire Toronto’s architectural wonders, and enjoy the open air and green spaces. By the time you arrive at work, you’ll be mentally prepared for the day. If you make a commitment to walking to and from work at least twice a week or even three times a week during the summer months, you’re going to be feeling a whole lot more fit and fabulous. The New Year’s resolution you made will then become effortless and you will be proud of yourself for following through and achieving the most hardest-to-reach goal.
If you would like to walk for a cause, there are plenty happening in the next couple of months including the 6th Annual K9 Rescue Walk-a-thon on June 14th from 10am to 12 noon. The event raises awareness of pets in need and helps abandoned, abused, neglected, and homeless dogs in Ontario. For more information, visit the site at www.k9rescueme.com . The World Partnership Walk takes place on May 31st. It is an international event organized to raise funds for international development programs. It is a 5K walk and it begins at 10:30am. For more information on how to participate, visit www.WorldPartnershipWalk.com . One other walk/run event is the Walk/Run and Family Fun Day for Colon Cancer also held on May 31st. Details can be found on www.ColonCancerCanada.ca .
Not only can you check off your number one resolution, but you can also check off a couple others including the ones about going more green and making the world a better place by helping others. Walking can make a huge impact on our life and our communities. If you want to do something that’ll make you feel good in every way this summer, then walking is just the right activity for you!
2008: Another year of Possibilities
2008: Another Year of Possibilities
I’m trying to think of an opener for this piece and all I keep thinking of is the proverbial “another year has passed and it’s time to…” line. How about something a little less ordinary? I mean when we start talking New Year’s talk, we almost always go into the realm of the extraordinary as expressed in each and every one of those superhuman resolutions that often surpass all primordial systems of logic. There! That’s my opener!
New Year’s is always a glorious time of year not only because it gives us earthlings of the privileged variety the opportunity to converge in discotheques, cocktail bars, chic condos and squishy apartments and revel in the spirit of another year coming, but also to figure out how many of the 365 days of the previous year were wasted on wanton activities that got us nowhere and what we can…no, should do in 2008 to change that. This is assuming that we were on a sinking ship in 2007. Hopefully, most of us will look back at the year with the same glimmer of hope and belief we began it with. I’m talking clarity here not drunken revelry.
Resolutions can be a tad confining and quite stressful if our success at achieving those goals only lasts for a week. I can’t count the number of years I’ve ditched my resolutions when reality kicked in, telling me quite bluntly to stop reaching for the impossible because it’s never going to happen. I suppose the value in these resolutions is the effort we put into them, however brief. Oh well, at least we tried. But is making meager attempts at greatness enough? Anyone who has ever had to work like a dog to get to where they wanted to go would unequivocally disagree. It might have been easy for the likes of Paris and her gang of pampered pets, but for most of us, life don't come easy. Something as simple as choosing skim milk over whole could take years to master and may never actually happen because it all boils down to asking ourselves how much are we willing to sacrifice for our dreams. Honestly, you ain’t gonna get far with a few half-ass driblets of your blood, sweat, and tears. You might make it to the first step and a half, but if you’re reaching for the whole bowl, expect to give nothing short of a downpour that’s enough to fill the Atlantic.
I learned this valuable and annoyingly simple lesson in 2007 when I took on quite an ambitious resolution head on with my rosy eyes looking forward, and my ears plugged! Who wasn’t I listening to? Those voices of reason, and most importantly, my own. In a nutshell, I fell far short of the required downpour by spending more time complaining rather than doing. Also, engaging in all sorts of warfare with the very man who could have helped me achieve my dreams didn’t help the situation and only succeeded at guaranteeing the possible future demise of our friendship. What’s more, since most of my focus was on making it to first base with the intensity of a turtle, I had very little ‘energy’ and ‘time’ to give to friends and family. Once again, I was whiling away the hours on delusional thinking rather than actively taking the steps to make my dreams a reality, dreams that required both an intense mental and physical commitment from me. But I’ve always been a sucker for cheap soap-opera-ish drama. Hardwork? Are you kidding me?! It was much easier to revel in self-pity and loathing than to try to lift the weight of the past off and finally discard it. Some people come to worship their pain and they make everyone else suffer for it. Sorry, changing the world will just have to wait. Shazia is busy stuffing her face with chocolate Cadbury sticks dipped in sweetened condensed milk and blaming the whole world for making her do it.
Until now.
Now, I’m coming face to face with the reality of yet another passing year where I left my dreams to die a slow burning death in a moldy corner of my heart, and where I prostituted belief in those dreams for a romantic-comedy movie moment, which never really came. I should have known better because those movies are about an hour and a half long. My belief should have been constant and uncompromising. What can I say? We have all fallen through those childhood cracks in the pavement, but when you’re consciously choosing to fall, refusing to really see what’s within and without, well, how does the word ‘shrink’ sound to you?
But this piece is not entirely about slicing up the past and living with the regret of eating it all up without really tasting it. It’s a lesson, a lesson that took me thirty-five years to learn. There was only one thing that could wake me up out of my delusions - delusions that passed me off as some martyr because I was acting out the self-sacrificing role, a role I have played well, but a role that never won me any awards. What had the power to wake me up? Love. Not the warm, fuzzy stuff we get from our mothers, although that’s always nice to have, but the tough kind, the kind that is merciless, unyielding, and intense, the tough love that forces you to take a good hard look at yourself and commands you to change, now!
Well, now I know better. I have seen the light and it’s a pretty bright light, enough to blind me into submission. Now I know that in order to get those moments of joy, love, and fulfillment - those moments that everyone deserves whether Canadian or Iraqi, whether black or white, whether gay or straight, whether a man or a woman, whether rich or poor – I’ve got to work hard, put my two feet in the right direction, and give myself the chance to make change happen. If I can’t change myself, I can’t change the world.
Back to making and keeping resolutions…I’m going to keep it very simple this year. Whatever I have chosen to do on New Year’s is an indication of how I want 2008 to be for me. Whatever I have chosen will give me a new approach to reaching those goals of mine. What am I doing on New Year’s? Well, rather than sitting in front of my computer writing self-deprecating prose or drinking Dionysus’ wine, I’m going to be on my feet and working hard on the job. And so, it is with this newfound work ethic that I will make 2008 the year I get exactly what I want and I’m not talking tragedies and chocolate bars. This is the good stuff and if you’d like to know what that is, you’re more than welcome to join me or at least check in from time to time. Better yet, just facebook me!
Here’s to all the people I love, respect, and admire for helping in their own way to set me straight. My prayers, belief, and good intentions are with you all.
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES…but don’t forget to work hard J
Shazia
I’m trying to think of an opener for this piece and all I keep thinking of is the proverbial “another year has passed and it’s time to…” line. How about something a little less ordinary? I mean when we start talking New Year’s talk, we almost always go into the realm of the extraordinary as expressed in each and every one of those superhuman resolutions that often surpass all primordial systems of logic. There! That’s my opener!
New Year’s is always a glorious time of year not only because it gives us earthlings of the privileged variety the opportunity to converge in discotheques, cocktail bars, chic condos and squishy apartments and revel in the spirit of another year coming, but also to figure out how many of the 365 days of the previous year were wasted on wanton activities that got us nowhere and what we can…no, should do in 2008 to change that. This is assuming that we were on a sinking ship in 2007. Hopefully, most of us will look back at the year with the same glimmer of hope and belief we began it with. I’m talking clarity here not drunken revelry.
Resolutions can be a tad confining and quite stressful if our success at achieving those goals only lasts for a week. I can’t count the number of years I’ve ditched my resolutions when reality kicked in, telling me quite bluntly to stop reaching for the impossible because it’s never going to happen. I suppose the value in these resolutions is the effort we put into them, however brief. Oh well, at least we tried. But is making meager attempts at greatness enough? Anyone who has ever had to work like a dog to get to where they wanted to go would unequivocally disagree. It might have been easy for the likes of Paris and her gang of pampered pets, but for most of us, life don't come easy. Something as simple as choosing skim milk over whole could take years to master and may never actually happen because it all boils down to asking ourselves how much are we willing to sacrifice for our dreams. Honestly, you ain’t gonna get far with a few half-ass driblets of your blood, sweat, and tears. You might make it to the first step and a half, but if you’re reaching for the whole bowl, expect to give nothing short of a downpour that’s enough to fill the Atlantic.
I learned this valuable and annoyingly simple lesson in 2007 when I took on quite an ambitious resolution head on with my rosy eyes looking forward, and my ears plugged! Who wasn’t I listening to? Those voices of reason, and most importantly, my own. In a nutshell, I fell far short of the required downpour by spending more time complaining rather than doing. Also, engaging in all sorts of warfare with the very man who could have helped me achieve my dreams didn’t help the situation and only succeeded at guaranteeing the possible future demise of our friendship. What’s more, since most of my focus was on making it to first base with the intensity of a turtle, I had very little ‘energy’ and ‘time’ to give to friends and family. Once again, I was whiling away the hours on delusional thinking rather than actively taking the steps to make my dreams a reality, dreams that required both an intense mental and physical commitment from me. But I’ve always been a sucker for cheap soap-opera-ish drama. Hardwork? Are you kidding me?! It was much easier to revel in self-pity and loathing than to try to lift the weight of the past off and finally discard it. Some people come to worship their pain and they make everyone else suffer for it. Sorry, changing the world will just have to wait. Shazia is busy stuffing her face with chocolate Cadbury sticks dipped in sweetened condensed milk and blaming the whole world for making her do it.
Until now.
Now, I’m coming face to face with the reality of yet another passing year where I left my dreams to die a slow burning death in a moldy corner of my heart, and where I prostituted belief in those dreams for a romantic-comedy movie moment, which never really came. I should have known better because those movies are about an hour and a half long. My belief should have been constant and uncompromising. What can I say? We have all fallen through those childhood cracks in the pavement, but when you’re consciously choosing to fall, refusing to really see what’s within and without, well, how does the word ‘shrink’ sound to you?
But this piece is not entirely about slicing up the past and living with the regret of eating it all up without really tasting it. It’s a lesson, a lesson that took me thirty-five years to learn. There was only one thing that could wake me up out of my delusions - delusions that passed me off as some martyr because I was acting out the self-sacrificing role, a role I have played well, but a role that never won me any awards. What had the power to wake me up? Love. Not the warm, fuzzy stuff we get from our mothers, although that’s always nice to have, but the tough kind, the kind that is merciless, unyielding, and intense, the tough love that forces you to take a good hard look at yourself and commands you to change, now!
Well, now I know better. I have seen the light and it’s a pretty bright light, enough to blind me into submission. Now I know that in order to get those moments of joy, love, and fulfillment - those moments that everyone deserves whether Canadian or Iraqi, whether black or white, whether gay or straight, whether a man or a woman, whether rich or poor – I’ve got to work hard, put my two feet in the right direction, and give myself the chance to make change happen. If I can’t change myself, I can’t change the world.
Back to making and keeping resolutions…I’m going to keep it very simple this year. Whatever I have chosen to do on New Year’s is an indication of how I want 2008 to be for me. Whatever I have chosen will give me a new approach to reaching those goals of mine. What am I doing on New Year’s? Well, rather than sitting in front of my computer writing self-deprecating prose or drinking Dionysus’ wine, I’m going to be on my feet and working hard on the job. And so, it is with this newfound work ethic that I will make 2008 the year I get exactly what I want and I’m not talking tragedies and chocolate bars. This is the good stuff and if you’d like to know what that is, you’re more than welcome to join me or at least check in from time to time. Better yet, just facebook me!
Here’s to all the people I love, respect, and admire for helping in their own way to set me straight. My prayers, belief, and good intentions are with you all.
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES…but don’t forget to work hard J
Shazia
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