Judging from the title of my blog, you're probably wondering if I surreptitiously lifted something while store employees were busy assisting the crowds of early Christmas shoppers filling the malls. While it was certainly packed today at Dufferin Mall - my mall of choice due to its relative "smallness" compared to the blithering blinking consumption meccas that characterize Toronto's urban landscape - I had no wish to be apprehended by the scruff of my neck by police officers who do not use their travel-size supplies of hand sanitizer and then be subjected to a strip search that would make the new security regulations at airports look like a fun-filled romp through the park.
Theft was not on my mind today nor on any other day, as I haven't been an enthusiastic supporter of material wares obtained in any manner for quite some time now, whether through spending of hard-earned dollars or otherwise. Then what the hell was I doing at DM? Dear readers, I point an accusing finger at those monstrosities we use to "stay in touch", and do all manner of things with such as texting, call forwarding, e-mailing, facebooking...all the -ings including actually calling a person and hearing their voice. Ha! Now the latter's a real concept in this day and age of ego-posting on Twits and Faces. Double ha! So basically, I needed a replacement phone 'cuz the one I had decided that enough was enough. I wasn't using it enough, so it died from neglect.
Now a funny thing happened on my way to DM. I felt that strange euphoric feeling many humans do when they're about to get something new. I had been deliberating earlier on my service provider's site what kind of phone to get. I still had no clue but the thought of feeling something new in my hands made me feel a strange almost mad kind of exhilaration. I mean, it's been quite sometime since I had something new in my life other than the baby ants that creep along my bathroom tiles. So my brain was bursting with some fabulous energy, hungering for the visual stimulation just 2 short minutes away on foot.
I reached the shop and almost immediately my hands started fumbling with keypads and touch screens of the phones on display. After a few brief minutes of salivating over these hand-held variations of metal and plastic, a kindly character of a man stepped forward from behind the display counter and asked me the attention-grabbing question of the day: "Is there something in particular you're looking for, Miss?" Normally, I just shrug my shoulders, and respond with a grumpy look, and if they still didn't get it, I'd then scare the wits out of them by stating in my spastic voice that of course not, I wasn't looking for anything at all, whadya take me for?! Usually upon getting a taste of my odd vocal impairment, they back away looking apologetic for having caused me the inconvenience of actually having to verbally communicate with them..."like, that's just not cool, like...". I'd stare at them reproachfully and then go back to my own "security checking" of the phones, fingering all the buttons and smooth surfaces with lustful delight. Well, he had a look that I hate to say "I trusted"...yikes! Almost immediately after he asked me the question, I said "Yes! Yes! I do! I mean, I am!" This is when I nervously pulled out my old phone - an aged member of the Samsung class, grossly out of date by 21st century standards. He took one look at it and asked me why I had brought it into the store. Ha ha!! (I'm laughing now)
Well this cutie pie who shall remain nameless assisted me in a most gentlemanly fashion in selecting the right phone for me. Actually I saw several that were right for me, but with true salespersonship, he steered me to the one that would be best. It wasn't an Iphone for I had clearly stated that my objective was to spend as little as possible, even nothing if the right plan was there. It turns out the right plan was there, and I had to pay exactly 0 dollars for an agreement that would significantly reduce my monthly payments. Not just that, this charming young man also threw in some freebies like a phone pouch (um..I don't think I really needed that...) and some extra memory cards for storage for all those pics I take of myself. It wasn't so much that I got "more" than I expected, but that I got an opportunity to put a smile on my face. I mean it had been a busy day for me, and I won't go into just how traumatic it is to travel on the subway in Toronto - that's something that Torontonians and I can share and someday laugh about when we finally share a pint with our faceless and nameless neighbours.
All the while that this young gentleman was assisting me, he would ask me questions about my work, where I was from, etc. Of course a cynic would say that he knew how to play all his cards right, but really, I didn't get taken advantage of one bit. I got a new phone - very classy, compact, and most importantly easy to use, a new plan that reduced my phone bill by $10 (believe me in the greater scheme of my life, that's a huge saving), some extras that I'll use because they're there to be used, and the best part of all of it was that I didn't have to pay a single cent!
This charming man made my day! He told me that he'd thought about becoming a teacher, and I jumped on the chance to say "you should"! His answer was an odd "but I'm too tall". Anyway. I was so happy leaving that cell phone shop that I quite literally kept a smile plastered on my besotted half-wit countenance and trotted off into the late afternoon chill.
Stay tuned for Part II: The Bill....
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