Some random midnight insight...but good insight.

Why do people mistreat or hate those who help them?

Click on the link above to first read the answer by a commenter on quora, and then read my blog post below.

This is a very insightful response to the conundrum of being hated by others who we have helped. Many of us do what we do because we enjoy the act of giving, but then again, we may also be people-pleasers who constantly search for validation by helping others. And also, our help may be tinged with arrogance that we may not see in ourselves but others can. Haven't we all been there? I'm sure in experiencing someone's resentment towards us and wondering what we might have done to harm them may trouble us because we don't see any wrong in what we've done. Who knew that, in offering support to the friends/families we love in their times of need and who we thought would appreciate our support, we may have indirectly contributed to their feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, and shame? It doesn't mean we should stop offering to help them (or maybe we should stop?). Being aware of our privilege (education, skill set, etc) and knowing that we are all working within a classist, racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic and patriarchal system that is not equitable and is consistently discriminatory towards communities that have been historically marginalized could help us better understand why the receivers of our help are no longer talking to us because perhaps our help reflected something they painfully desire(d) in themselves that they have never had access to due to social/structural inequalities/life circumstances. I don't know what it would take to restore these embittered relationships. Maybe it would take each of us to be brave by self-reflecting rather than pointing fingers, and developing/strengthening what I learned in my friend's Connections course based on what Brene Brown coined as 'Shame Resilience'. But after this long and babbling self-reflection of my own here, I wish you all a peaceful and restful night.