2008: Another Year of Possibilities
I’m trying to think of an opener for this piece and all I keep thinking of is the proverbial “another year has passed and it’s time to…” line. How about something a little less ordinary? I mean when we start talking New Year’s talk, we almost always go into the realm of the extraordinary as expressed in each and every one of those superhuman resolutions that often surpass all primordial systems of logic. There! That’s my opener!
New Year’s is always a glorious time of year not only because it gives us earthlings of the privileged variety the opportunity to converge in discotheques, cocktail bars, chic condos and squishy apartments and revel in the spirit of another year coming, but also to figure out how many of the 365 days of the previous year were wasted on wanton activities that got us nowhere and what we can…no, should do in 2008 to change that. This is assuming that we were on a sinking ship in 2007. Hopefully, most of us will look back at the year with the same glimmer of hope and belief we began it with. I’m talking clarity here not drunken revelry.
Resolutions can be a tad confining and quite stressful if our success at achieving those goals only lasts for a week. I can’t count the number of years I’ve ditched my resolutions when reality kicked in, telling me quite bluntly to stop reaching for the impossible because it’s never going to happen. I suppose the value in these resolutions is the effort we put into them, however brief. Oh well, at least we tried. But is making meager attempts at greatness enough? Anyone who has ever had to work like a dog to get to where they wanted to go would unequivocally disagree. It might have been easy for the likes of Paris and her gang of pampered pets, but for most of us, life don't come easy. Something as simple as choosing skim milk over whole could take years to master and may never actually happen because it all boils down to asking ourselves how much are we willing to sacrifice for our dreams. Honestly, you ain’t gonna get far with a few half-ass driblets of your blood, sweat, and tears. You might make it to the first step and a half, but if you’re reaching for the whole bowl, expect to give nothing short of a downpour that’s enough to fill the Atlantic.
I learned this valuable and annoyingly simple lesson in 2007 when I took on quite an ambitious resolution head on with my rosy eyes looking forward, and my ears plugged! Who wasn’t I listening to? Those voices of reason, and most importantly, my own. In a nutshell, I fell far short of the required downpour by spending more time complaining rather than doing. Also, engaging in all sorts of warfare with the very man who could have helped me achieve my dreams didn’t help the situation and only succeeded at guaranteeing the possible future demise of our friendship. What’s more, since most of my focus was on making it to first base with the intensity of a turtle, I had very little ‘energy’ and ‘time’ to give to friends and family. Once again, I was whiling away the hours on delusional thinking rather than actively taking the steps to make my dreams a reality, dreams that required both an intense mental and physical commitment from me. But I’ve always been a sucker for cheap soap-opera-ish drama. Hardwork? Are you kidding me?! It was much easier to revel in self-pity and loathing than to try to lift the weight of the past off and finally discard it. Some people come to worship their pain and they make everyone else suffer for it. Sorry, changing the world will just have to wait. Shazia is busy stuffing her face with chocolate Cadbury sticks dipped in sweetened condensed milk and blaming the whole world for making her do it.
Until now.
Now, I’m coming face to face with the reality of yet another passing year where I left my dreams to die a slow burning death in a moldy corner of my heart, and where I prostituted belief in those dreams for a romantic-comedy movie moment, which never really came. I should have known better because those movies are about an hour and a half long. My belief should have been constant and uncompromising. What can I say? We have all fallen through those childhood cracks in the pavement, but when you’re consciously choosing to fall, refusing to really see what’s within and without, well, how does the word ‘shrink’ sound to you?
But this piece is not entirely about slicing up the past and living with the regret of eating it all up without really tasting it. It’s a lesson, a lesson that took me thirty-five years to learn. There was only one thing that could wake me up out of my delusions - delusions that passed me off as some martyr because I was acting out the self-sacrificing role, a role I have played well, but a role that never won me any awards. What had the power to wake me up? Love. Not the warm, fuzzy stuff we get from our mothers, although that’s always nice to have, but the tough kind, the kind that is merciless, unyielding, and intense, the tough love that forces you to take a good hard look at yourself and commands you to change, now!
Well, now I know better. I have seen the light and it’s a pretty bright light, enough to blind me into submission. Now I know that in order to get those moments of joy, love, and fulfillment - those moments that everyone deserves whether Canadian or Iraqi, whether black or white, whether gay or straight, whether a man or a woman, whether rich or poor – I’ve got to work hard, put my two feet in the right direction, and give myself the chance to make change happen. If I can’t change myself, I can’t change the world.
Back to making and keeping resolutions…I’m going to keep it very simple this year. Whatever I have chosen to do on New Year’s is an indication of how I want 2008 to be for me. Whatever I have chosen will give me a new approach to reaching those goals of mine. What am I doing on New Year’s? Well, rather than sitting in front of my computer writing self-deprecating prose or drinking Dionysus’ wine, I’m going to be on my feet and working hard on the job. And so, it is with this newfound work ethic that I will make 2008 the year I get exactly what I want and I’m not talking tragedies and chocolate bars. This is the good stuff and if you’d like to know what that is, you’re more than welcome to join me or at least check in from time to time. Better yet, just facebook me!
Here’s to all the people I love, respect, and admire for helping in their own way to set me straight. My prayers, belief, and good intentions are with you all.
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES…but don’t forget to work hard J
Shazia
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