NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS AND SUMMER FITNESS: WALKING ON SUNSHINE
Written by Shazia Islam
Toronto is welcoming the first glorious waves of summer - let‘s just hope it’s not another unbearable heat wave! Technically, it’s spring, but in this city, spring is a bit indecisive and frequently allows winter’s frosty breath to invade its space with intermittent spells of cool temperatures, even snow, just to mess with our minds. Whatever we choose to call our seasons in T.O., it’s definitely time to throw out the thermal underwear. The flowers are well on their way to blooming, people are out mowing their lawns, and the city is buzzing with outdoor events and activities to suit all manner of taste and lifestyle. This is the best time to dust off that New Year’s list of resolutions you conveniently forgot about from January till now, and perhaps give your number one resolution - the one circled in red - a go. Just what is that resolution that always seems to get the prized position on top of the lists of millions of other dreamers like you? It certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. You know it and I know it: it’s time to GET FIT!
There are a myriad of ways to get fit like joining boot camps, fitness clubs and hot yoga classes, hiking, cycling, running, roller-blading, swimming, and playing sports. The key is to do something you enjoy and do it outdoors. We spend a lot of our time cooped up indoors because our livelihoods depend on it; you can’t exactly ask your boss if you could work out the details of a million-dollar account in the park! Reality for many people is not having enough motivation nor time to exercise. Some people spend loads of money on home treadmills and exercise bikes, but the equipment ends up becoming just another decorative piece you’d rather cover with your potted plants. Indeed, finding time out of our busy schedules to get rid of the hot dog and McD calories we rang up at our short lunch breaks is definitely a challenge in a fast-paced metropolis like Toronto. However, there is hope. All we have to do is put one foot in front of another and walk. Walk.
If you’re pretty close to the city and close to where you work, you might want to consider walking. It’s a great way to keep you in shape, especially since the weather is getting so much more agreeable. Walking has many other benefits as well. Unlike running, walking does not cause any strain on your joints and internal organs. It’s important to do some stretching before and after the walk if it’s a particularly long walk like going from the Danforth, over the bridge, and into the city centre. Walking allows you to go at your own pace; you can go as slow or as fast as you like. Personally, I think keeping a slower pace gives you a chance to really see the city and its many faces and places. Accidents tend to be minimal when we move slowly in general. Of course there are always exceptions, so it’s good to stay cautious and look both ways before crossing an intersection. With walking, you can also take detours through the lovely neighbourhoods of Toronto, and witness summer coming alive on the front lawns of people’s homes. You can also stop to have a coffee or a smoothie, read the paper, and then once again, be on your way if you’ve given yourself plenty of time to get to your destination...
Now you’re probably thinking that walking at a turtle’s pace ain’t gonna help you get fit any time soon. Actually, getting fit gradually is much better in the long term. If we rush into our exercise routine with the idea that we’re going to lose tons of weight in a few short days, chances are the weight will come back sooner than we think. We spend most of our day in rush mode, and our bodies deserve a break from all the running around. Some of the advantages of walking include a lower incidence of heart disease, a longer life, improved mental and spiritual faculties, regulation of blood sugar levels, and an increase in coordination and balance. Health experts always encourage people to walk at least half an hour to 45 minutes a day to improve cardio-vascular health. Furthermore, when we go for a daily stroll, the movement releases endorphins, the ‘happy’ hormones, into our blood stream, which is a great way to combat anxiety and depression. Our stress levels have a tendency to escalate when we’re stuck in a car during rush hour and breathe in toxic fumes from car exhaust. It is no wonder drivers get frustrated, making rear-enders and accidents more likely. Walking takes care of our stress and the environment!
Most importantly, walking is easy and free. You don’t have to make room in your schedule to do it, and you don’t need any special equipment. Some water and a comfortable pair of shoes will suffice. You get to take the time to say ‘hi’ to the people you pass by, pet their dogs, admire Toronto’s architectural wonders, and enjoy the open air and green spaces. By the time you arrive at work, you’ll be mentally prepared for the day. If you make a commitment to walking to and from work at least twice a week or even three times a week during the summer months, you’re going to be feeling a whole lot more fit and fabulous. The New Year’s resolution you made will then become effortless and you will be proud of yourself for following through and achieving the most hardest-to-reach goal.
If you would like to walk for a cause, there are plenty happening in the next couple of months including the 6th Annual K9 Rescue Walk-a-thon on June 14th from 10am to 12 noon. The event raises awareness of pets in need and helps abandoned, abused, neglected, and homeless dogs in Ontario. For more information, visit the site at www.k9rescueme.com . The World Partnership Walk takes place on May 31st. It is an international event organized to raise funds for international development programs. It is a 5K walk and it begins at 10:30am. For more information on how to participate, visit www.WorldPartnershipWalk.com . One other walk/run event is the Walk/Run and Family Fun Day for Colon Cancer also held on May 31st. Details can be found on www.ColonCancerCanada.ca .
Not only can you check off your number one resolution, but you can also check off a couple others including the ones about going more green and making the world a better place by helping others. Walking can make a huge impact on our life and our communities. If you want to do something that’ll make you feel good in every way this summer, then walking is just the right activity for you!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
2008: Another year of Possibilities
2008: Another Year of Possibilities
I’m trying to think of an opener for this piece and all I keep thinking of is the proverbial “another year has passed and it’s time to…” line. How about something a little less ordinary? I mean when we start talking New Year’s talk, we almost always go into the realm of the extraordinary as expressed in each and every one of those superhuman resolutions that often surpass all primordial systems of logic. There! That’s my opener!
New Year’s is always a glorious time of year not only because it gives us earthlings of the privileged variety the opportunity to converge in discotheques, cocktail bars, chic condos and squishy apartments and revel in the spirit of another year coming, but also to figure out how many of the 365 days of the previous year were wasted on wanton activities that got us nowhere and what we can…no, should do in 2008 to change that. This is assuming that we were on a sinking ship in 2007. Hopefully, most of us will look back at the year with the same glimmer of hope and belief we began it with. I’m talking clarity here not drunken revelry.
Resolutions can be a tad confining and quite stressful if our success at achieving those goals only lasts for a week. I can’t count the number of years I’ve ditched my resolutions when reality kicked in, telling me quite bluntly to stop reaching for the impossible because it’s never going to happen. I suppose the value in these resolutions is the effort we put into them, however brief. Oh well, at least we tried. But is making meager attempts at greatness enough? Anyone who has ever had to work like a dog to get to where they wanted to go would unequivocally disagree. It might have been easy for the likes of Paris and her gang of pampered pets, but for most of us, life don't come easy. Something as simple as choosing skim milk over whole could take years to master and may never actually happen because it all boils down to asking ourselves how much are we willing to sacrifice for our dreams. Honestly, you ain’t gonna get far with a few half-ass driblets of your blood, sweat, and tears. You might make it to the first step and a half, but if you’re reaching for the whole bowl, expect to give nothing short of a downpour that’s enough to fill the Atlantic.
I learned this valuable and annoyingly simple lesson in 2007 when I took on quite an ambitious resolution head on with my rosy eyes looking forward, and my ears plugged! Who wasn’t I listening to? Those voices of reason, and most importantly, my own. In a nutshell, I fell far short of the required downpour by spending more time complaining rather than doing. Also, engaging in all sorts of warfare with the very man who could have helped me achieve my dreams didn’t help the situation and only succeeded at guaranteeing the possible future demise of our friendship. What’s more, since most of my focus was on making it to first base with the intensity of a turtle, I had very little ‘energy’ and ‘time’ to give to friends and family. Once again, I was whiling away the hours on delusional thinking rather than actively taking the steps to make my dreams a reality, dreams that required both an intense mental and physical commitment from me. But I’ve always been a sucker for cheap soap-opera-ish drama. Hardwork? Are you kidding me?! It was much easier to revel in self-pity and loathing than to try to lift the weight of the past off and finally discard it. Some people come to worship their pain and they make everyone else suffer for it. Sorry, changing the world will just have to wait. Shazia is busy stuffing her face with chocolate Cadbury sticks dipped in sweetened condensed milk and blaming the whole world for making her do it.
Until now.
Now, I’m coming face to face with the reality of yet another passing year where I left my dreams to die a slow burning death in a moldy corner of my heart, and where I prostituted belief in those dreams for a romantic-comedy movie moment, which never really came. I should have known better because those movies are about an hour and a half long. My belief should have been constant and uncompromising. What can I say? We have all fallen through those childhood cracks in the pavement, but when you’re consciously choosing to fall, refusing to really see what’s within and without, well, how does the word ‘shrink’ sound to you?
But this piece is not entirely about slicing up the past and living with the regret of eating it all up without really tasting it. It’s a lesson, a lesson that took me thirty-five years to learn. There was only one thing that could wake me up out of my delusions - delusions that passed me off as some martyr because I was acting out the self-sacrificing role, a role I have played well, but a role that never won me any awards. What had the power to wake me up? Love. Not the warm, fuzzy stuff we get from our mothers, although that’s always nice to have, but the tough kind, the kind that is merciless, unyielding, and intense, the tough love that forces you to take a good hard look at yourself and commands you to change, now!
Well, now I know better. I have seen the light and it’s a pretty bright light, enough to blind me into submission. Now I know that in order to get those moments of joy, love, and fulfillment - those moments that everyone deserves whether Canadian or Iraqi, whether black or white, whether gay or straight, whether a man or a woman, whether rich or poor – I’ve got to work hard, put my two feet in the right direction, and give myself the chance to make change happen. If I can’t change myself, I can’t change the world.
Back to making and keeping resolutions…I’m going to keep it very simple this year. Whatever I have chosen to do on New Year’s is an indication of how I want 2008 to be for me. Whatever I have chosen will give me a new approach to reaching those goals of mine. What am I doing on New Year’s? Well, rather than sitting in front of my computer writing self-deprecating prose or drinking Dionysus’ wine, I’m going to be on my feet and working hard on the job. And so, it is with this newfound work ethic that I will make 2008 the year I get exactly what I want and I’m not talking tragedies and chocolate bars. This is the good stuff and if you’d like to know what that is, you’re more than welcome to join me or at least check in from time to time. Better yet, just facebook me!
Here’s to all the people I love, respect, and admire for helping in their own way to set me straight. My prayers, belief, and good intentions are with you all.
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES…but don’t forget to work hard J
Shazia
I’m trying to think of an opener for this piece and all I keep thinking of is the proverbial “another year has passed and it’s time to…” line. How about something a little less ordinary? I mean when we start talking New Year’s talk, we almost always go into the realm of the extraordinary as expressed in each and every one of those superhuman resolutions that often surpass all primordial systems of logic. There! That’s my opener!
New Year’s is always a glorious time of year not only because it gives us earthlings of the privileged variety the opportunity to converge in discotheques, cocktail bars, chic condos and squishy apartments and revel in the spirit of another year coming, but also to figure out how many of the 365 days of the previous year were wasted on wanton activities that got us nowhere and what we can…no, should do in 2008 to change that. This is assuming that we were on a sinking ship in 2007. Hopefully, most of us will look back at the year with the same glimmer of hope and belief we began it with. I’m talking clarity here not drunken revelry.
Resolutions can be a tad confining and quite stressful if our success at achieving those goals only lasts for a week. I can’t count the number of years I’ve ditched my resolutions when reality kicked in, telling me quite bluntly to stop reaching for the impossible because it’s never going to happen. I suppose the value in these resolutions is the effort we put into them, however brief. Oh well, at least we tried. But is making meager attempts at greatness enough? Anyone who has ever had to work like a dog to get to where they wanted to go would unequivocally disagree. It might have been easy for the likes of Paris and her gang of pampered pets, but for most of us, life don't come easy. Something as simple as choosing skim milk over whole could take years to master and may never actually happen because it all boils down to asking ourselves how much are we willing to sacrifice for our dreams. Honestly, you ain’t gonna get far with a few half-ass driblets of your blood, sweat, and tears. You might make it to the first step and a half, but if you’re reaching for the whole bowl, expect to give nothing short of a downpour that’s enough to fill the Atlantic.
I learned this valuable and annoyingly simple lesson in 2007 when I took on quite an ambitious resolution head on with my rosy eyes looking forward, and my ears plugged! Who wasn’t I listening to? Those voices of reason, and most importantly, my own. In a nutshell, I fell far short of the required downpour by spending more time complaining rather than doing. Also, engaging in all sorts of warfare with the very man who could have helped me achieve my dreams didn’t help the situation and only succeeded at guaranteeing the possible future demise of our friendship. What’s more, since most of my focus was on making it to first base with the intensity of a turtle, I had very little ‘energy’ and ‘time’ to give to friends and family. Once again, I was whiling away the hours on delusional thinking rather than actively taking the steps to make my dreams a reality, dreams that required both an intense mental and physical commitment from me. But I’ve always been a sucker for cheap soap-opera-ish drama. Hardwork? Are you kidding me?! It was much easier to revel in self-pity and loathing than to try to lift the weight of the past off and finally discard it. Some people come to worship their pain and they make everyone else suffer for it. Sorry, changing the world will just have to wait. Shazia is busy stuffing her face with chocolate Cadbury sticks dipped in sweetened condensed milk and blaming the whole world for making her do it.
Until now.
Now, I’m coming face to face with the reality of yet another passing year where I left my dreams to die a slow burning death in a moldy corner of my heart, and where I prostituted belief in those dreams for a romantic-comedy movie moment, which never really came. I should have known better because those movies are about an hour and a half long. My belief should have been constant and uncompromising. What can I say? We have all fallen through those childhood cracks in the pavement, but when you’re consciously choosing to fall, refusing to really see what’s within and without, well, how does the word ‘shrink’ sound to you?
But this piece is not entirely about slicing up the past and living with the regret of eating it all up without really tasting it. It’s a lesson, a lesson that took me thirty-five years to learn. There was only one thing that could wake me up out of my delusions - delusions that passed me off as some martyr because I was acting out the self-sacrificing role, a role I have played well, but a role that never won me any awards. What had the power to wake me up? Love. Not the warm, fuzzy stuff we get from our mothers, although that’s always nice to have, but the tough kind, the kind that is merciless, unyielding, and intense, the tough love that forces you to take a good hard look at yourself and commands you to change, now!
Well, now I know better. I have seen the light and it’s a pretty bright light, enough to blind me into submission. Now I know that in order to get those moments of joy, love, and fulfillment - those moments that everyone deserves whether Canadian or Iraqi, whether black or white, whether gay or straight, whether a man or a woman, whether rich or poor – I’ve got to work hard, put my two feet in the right direction, and give myself the chance to make change happen. If I can’t change myself, I can’t change the world.
Back to making and keeping resolutions…I’m going to keep it very simple this year. Whatever I have chosen to do on New Year’s is an indication of how I want 2008 to be for me. Whatever I have chosen will give me a new approach to reaching those goals of mine. What am I doing on New Year’s? Well, rather than sitting in front of my computer writing self-deprecating prose or drinking Dionysus’ wine, I’m going to be on my feet and working hard on the job. And so, it is with this newfound work ethic that I will make 2008 the year I get exactly what I want and I’m not talking tragedies and chocolate bars. This is the good stuff and if you’d like to know what that is, you’re more than welcome to join me or at least check in from time to time. Better yet, just facebook me!
Here’s to all the people I love, respect, and admire for helping in their own way to set me straight. My prayers, belief, and good intentions are with you all.
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES…but don’t forget to work hard J
Shazia
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Part One: Building the Dream
Have you ever loved to do something so much and then tried and tried to do it, but you always fell short? Always failed? Always self-sabotaged? I know many of us have all been there, and through all the failures, the dream still clings to us like a warm spring breeze to remind us that there is still so much left to do before the day is done.
I've had a dream for a very long long time - since I was a child. I did a lot in the past decade to try to achieve that dream, but I never quite reached my mark. A lot has happened in my life that took me off course. I became more interested in helping others build their dreams. It all seems so noble, but I was shortchanging myself and the people I was trying to help by not focusing on what mattered most to me.
Well, this dream is still there inside me, nudging me to do it right this time because this time I've got nothing in my way. I'm starting right from scratch, and it's going to take a year and a half before I'll be prepared to pursue my dream in an educational setting. All the preparation work will hopefully pay off and land me a placement at a particular school I want to attend. I'll be 40 years old in 2012 - the year when my commitment will be tested, challenged, assessed, and then either given a thumbs up or a thumbs down. It's a risk for a person at my age to do this, but I have nothing else I want to do more. Not even writing, though writing too is part of this dream...just in a different context.
No, this dream will follow me into old age when I can still make a difference in people's lives. This dream I'm building is one that will bring healing to myself and to others. I don't know what the future holds for me - whether I'll always be single and whether I'll always live in this tiny space or not - but whatever may come, I hope that my dream will be a reality by that time. I hope that my dream will be the very thing I live and breathe each day I wake up.
I can't say more about it. I'm keeping this all under lock and key until I've made headway, until 2012 when I achieve the 2nd most important step in the process. The first step is the preparation, so it's the initial commitment, and equally important. I've chosen the people who I want to help me get to that dream, and I've also chosen the tools. Now, I have to choose myself, this body, and make it work for this dream in ways it never worked before.
If I pass the 2nd step, the 3rd one involves four years in an academic environment till I get my 2nd degree. I'll be 44. By 45, I want to achieve the dream, which is related once again to helping others, but this time, I'll be well-prepared for the work. And it's work I plan to do for as long as I live. I will do it happily with passion and humility.
I almost gave up. I was ready to spend the rest of my life in obscurity with a strangled voice, and then die that way, but nope! There's another force, another energy inside, propelling me to move, move, move and make this dream a reality. It's time to re-invent myself in order to adapt my mind, my body, my spirit to this challenging process.
It's all just beginning, and it feels exactly the same as falling in love only I know for sure that this one is a keeper.
I've had a dream for a very long long time - since I was a child. I did a lot in the past decade to try to achieve that dream, but I never quite reached my mark. A lot has happened in my life that took me off course. I became more interested in helping others build their dreams. It all seems so noble, but I was shortchanging myself and the people I was trying to help by not focusing on what mattered most to me.
Well, this dream is still there inside me, nudging me to do it right this time because this time I've got nothing in my way. I'm starting right from scratch, and it's going to take a year and a half before I'll be prepared to pursue my dream in an educational setting. All the preparation work will hopefully pay off and land me a placement at a particular school I want to attend. I'll be 40 years old in 2012 - the year when my commitment will be tested, challenged, assessed, and then either given a thumbs up or a thumbs down. It's a risk for a person at my age to do this, but I have nothing else I want to do more. Not even writing, though writing too is part of this dream...just in a different context.
No, this dream will follow me into old age when I can still make a difference in people's lives. This dream I'm building is one that will bring healing to myself and to others. I don't know what the future holds for me - whether I'll always be single and whether I'll always live in this tiny space or not - but whatever may come, I hope that my dream will be a reality by that time. I hope that my dream will be the very thing I live and breathe each day I wake up.
I can't say more about it. I'm keeping this all under lock and key until I've made headway, until 2012 when I achieve the 2nd most important step in the process. The first step is the preparation, so it's the initial commitment, and equally important. I've chosen the people who I want to help me get to that dream, and I've also chosen the tools. Now, I have to choose myself, this body, and make it work for this dream in ways it never worked before.
If I pass the 2nd step, the 3rd one involves four years in an academic environment till I get my 2nd degree. I'll be 44. By 45, I want to achieve the dream, which is related once again to helping others, but this time, I'll be well-prepared for the work. And it's work I plan to do for as long as I live. I will do it happily with passion and humility.
I almost gave up. I was ready to spend the rest of my life in obscurity with a strangled voice, and then die that way, but nope! There's another force, another energy inside, propelling me to move, move, move and make this dream a reality. It's time to re-invent myself in order to adapt my mind, my body, my spirit to this challenging process.
It's all just beginning, and it feels exactly the same as falling in love only I know for sure that this one is a keeper.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Best Anti-Depressant is...
MANUAL LABOUR...at least for me. I just got a job building, dismantling and stocking shelves. It involves some heavy lifting, working with wood and metal, handling merchandise, and standing on my feet for 7.5 hours in a pair of steel-toe shoes that are as stiff as cardboard. Hard work, but it's a real blessing to have a job at all. I'd been teaching English for the last 13 years, but had to bid farewell to that career just a few short months ago because of the voice disability (see older post on Spasmodic Dysphonia). Now, with this strangled voice, all I'm good for until I can afford further job re-training is manual labour. I'm fortunate to still have a pretty strong body to handle this kind of work. I'm also glad that I've long given up my more feminine proclivities - craigslisted all my shoes (not that I had a whole lot of shoes to begin with actually), donated the dresses, discarded the goopy colourful make-up that was a bitch to take off, got the hair cut short so I wouldn't have to think about it, stripped my appearance down and wore only dull dark colours so I'd be less conspicuous. As a matter of fact, I could actually be a boy - I mean a BOY, not a man!
Not that I despise the woman in me, but doing this sort of work doesn't exactly bring up images of me walking down the runway in Karl Lagerfeld's latest creation for the House of Chanel. Better yet, a sweeping silky red Oscar de la Renta number with matching purse. The woman in me has just disappeared for a while till I can bring myself back up to speed, and if it takes working 40 hours a week on a construction site making the daily wages that many newcomers to Canada make, so be it. It's a far cry from my teaching days, but my teaching days required another kind of labour - mental - that was just as exhausting as working with your hands all day.
What I particularly wanted to say about manual labour is that I'm so zonked out from standing on my feet, lifting, carrying, moving, shoving, pulling, and crouching at the end of the day, that I just can't give time to anything else. As a matter of fact, I barely have enough energy to even think. Which brings me to the main point of this post and that is - manual labour has become my anti-depressant. I've been wrestling with a lot of troubling emotions in the last couple of months, weeks, even years...without any end to the daily thoughts and feelings that many people feel when they're down. However, doing this sort of work takes your mind off of that, and actually numbs the pain just like a real anti-d pill does. There are no pills here except the ones I'm stocking on the shelves nor no possible side effects, just physical labour...and a feeling of numbness. No emotions. All I hear is the shuffling and shifting of my body as it moves to and fro doing what my mind chose for a temporary period of time. A temporary period of time to allow me some freedom from the conscious awareness of my reality. Some time and space to re-balance the spirit. With my dirty and scraped hands, I feel a certain emptiness of being, but I can also sense being in the here and now.
I don't necessarily feel great. I feel humbled. In the past, I tried messing with the gods (and messed up), and they've sent me right back to square one, perhaps just a little higher than the lowest rung. They took my voice away, gave me an incurable heartache and poison, and then left me for dead. So I realized that I needed to figure this thing out, and what appeared was this job. There are long intervals of time when my heart and head can clear, and that's all I really need right now. I'm glad to be taking this "pill" at the moment, and I'm hoping it'll continue to numb me until all the "bad" stuff dies in me. Everything else will hopefully remain intact, for after this labour-intensive job is done, and the clouds have cleared, a new path with more lessons to be learned will be ready and waiting for me.
Not that I despise the woman in me, but doing this sort of work doesn't exactly bring up images of me walking down the runway in Karl Lagerfeld's latest creation for the House of Chanel. Better yet, a sweeping silky red Oscar de la Renta number with matching purse. The woman in me has just disappeared for a while till I can bring myself back up to speed, and if it takes working 40 hours a week on a construction site making the daily wages that many newcomers to Canada make, so be it. It's a far cry from my teaching days, but my teaching days required another kind of labour - mental - that was just as exhausting as working with your hands all day.
What I particularly wanted to say about manual labour is that I'm so zonked out from standing on my feet, lifting, carrying, moving, shoving, pulling, and crouching at the end of the day, that I just can't give time to anything else. As a matter of fact, I barely have enough energy to even think. Which brings me to the main point of this post and that is - manual labour has become my anti-depressant. I've been wrestling with a lot of troubling emotions in the last couple of months, weeks, even years...without any end to the daily thoughts and feelings that many people feel when they're down. However, doing this sort of work takes your mind off of that, and actually numbs the pain just like a real anti-d pill does. There are no pills here except the ones I'm stocking on the shelves nor no possible side effects, just physical labour...and a feeling of numbness. No emotions. All I hear is the shuffling and shifting of my body as it moves to and fro doing what my mind chose for a temporary period of time. A temporary period of time to allow me some freedom from the conscious awareness of my reality. Some time and space to re-balance the spirit. With my dirty and scraped hands, I feel a certain emptiness of being, but I can also sense being in the here and now.
I don't necessarily feel great. I feel humbled. In the past, I tried messing with the gods (and messed up), and they've sent me right back to square one, perhaps just a little higher than the lowest rung. They took my voice away, gave me an incurable heartache and poison, and then left me for dead. So I realized that I needed to figure this thing out, and what appeared was this job. There are long intervals of time when my heart and head can clear, and that's all I really need right now. I'm glad to be taking this "pill" at the moment, and I'm hoping it'll continue to numb me until all the "bad" stuff dies in me. Everything else will hopefully remain intact, for after this labour-intensive job is done, and the clouds have cleared, a new path with more lessons to be learned will be ready and waiting for me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Lack of Care in the Age of HIV & AIDS
First, let me begin with some statistics which I won't validate with adjectives. I'll give my readers the freedom to choose which word or collection of words might describe their reactions to what I've written below.
According to a recent publication of the Ontario AIDS Network:
(1) 32% of people believe incorrectly that HIV can be transmitted through kissing
(2) 29% believe incorrectly that HIV can be transmitted through a mosquito bite
(3) 26% would feel uncomfortable working in an office where someone developed HIV/AIDS
(4) 49% say that they would feel uncomfortable using a restaurant drinking glass once used by a person living with HIV/AIDS
(5) 20% do not believe in supporting the rights of people living with HIV/AIDS
In Canada:
- at least 97 people have been charged with HIV non-disclosure and convictions.
- since 2003 there has been an average of 10 cases per year.
- at least 59 people have been convicted.
- in 24 cases a person was convicted even though there was no HIV transmission alleged to have taken place.
- almost 90% of the people convicted have gone to jail.
- white people make up about 30% of people charged. Black people make up almost 25%. Aboriginal and other people make up about 6%. It is unknown the race and ethnicity of the other people charged.
- Ontario leads Canada with at least 47 cases and 31 convictions.
In Canada, a person living with HIV who does not disclose his or her status to a sex partner can be convicted of the Criminal Code offence of aggravated assault even when a sex partner does not become infected with HIV. Parliament did not change the Criminal Code to include an HIV/AIDS-specific crime.
People living with HIV in Canada face stigma and discrimination. HIV disclosure can lead to loss of privacy, employment, housing, friends and family, and sometimes lead to violence. The criminal law does not recognize this reality.
Even when a court finds a person not guilty, his or her life may have already been destroyed. A photo or medical information may have been reported in the media. Before a trial takes place he or she has been judged "guilty" in the court of public opinion. And he or she may have spent many months in jail awaiting trial.
The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) recognized a limited role for the criminal law, in cases of intentional transmission - where a person knows his or her HIV-positive status, acts with the intention to transmit HIV, and successfully transmits HIV. UNAIDS also takes the position that the criminal law should not be applied where an HIV-positive person took reasonable measures to reduce risk of transmission, such as practising safer sex by using a condom or taking other precautions to avoid high-risk sexual acts.
Against this pervasive lack of sensitivity in the legal system and in the public realm, people living with HIV must open themselves to the threat of public exposure and the consequences that such a breach of privacy can bring: shaming, discrimination, humiliation, isolation, loss of friends, loss of family, incredible stress and anxiety, and so many more debilitating activities and emotions. It can all drive a person living with HIV to harm him or herself or to harm others or be harmed by others.
It also appears that the onus of guilt and blame rests solely on the poz person. A telling quote from Justice Edwin Cameron on the criminalization of HIV transmission reveals what the legal system and the apparent victims of HIV exposure never allow themselves to see in cases where sexual activity was mutually agreed upon by both parties.
"One wonders whether the ensuing public debate leaves space for asking who the accused's sexual partners were and what responsibility they take, 28 years after HIV became a known reality on the continent of North America, for having unprotected sex with him/her. The mediaeval dynamics of public shaming, of gross but partial community condemnation, and of crudely emotive responses instead of considered reactions do not seem too far away."
In my estimation, neither the accused nor his/her accusers win. Both parties are further isolated from the other, thereby closing off all opportunities to speak openly and honestly. The accused gets demonized. Also, humankind in trying times will often look to another to blame instead of taking responsibility for their own choices. Of course, sex for the people I'm referring to was mutual; what really needed to happen before the two people jumped into risky behaviour was to negotiate the terms of sexual activity, and understand why they chose to overlook protective measures to reduce the chances of transmission - HIV and other STIs.
In this day and age, you'd think we'd all be enlightened enough to communicate with our lovers freely about our sexual preferences but if our education system does not give kids the chance to learn about sex and safe sex and be open about expressing their budding sexualities, then how are they ever going to communicate about sex in their adult lives?
Furthermore, the lack of HIV/AIDS education and awareness in our communities is appalling. People continue to fear disclosing their HIV status to their loved ones and peer groups, who in turn, still hold onto exaggerated and false claims about HIV transmission, not bothering to educate themselves on the advances in scientific and medical research.
Why do people choose to remain in the dark? So many factors: religious, cultural, social, political, historical...All of these certainly play out in any sexual relationship between consenting adults.
AIDS service organizations might serve the practical needs of a person living with HIV and may offer a lot of support in other ways too, but they can never replace the sincere care and concern of a friend or family member. People living with HIV who have the support of their loved ones and are fully open about their status have a far greater chance of living longer, more fully, and more at peace with the past that brought them to HIV.
But the ones who are still struggling are frequently the ones who are still in hiding. Why are they still in hiding? Because they don't want to bring shame on themselves and their loved ones; because they don't want to place the burden of care on their loveds one; because they've already been shunned by their loved ones.
Without home or hope, the rejected find ways to survive the lack of love and acceptance in their lives; they will hide their heads in guilt and in pain.
The law on HIV transmission is still very ambiguous. But what doesn't have to be ambiguous are our feelings for the people we love. If we learn to have sex responsibly with respect and trust, and with the knowledge that there is caring and compassion and that the level of caring and compassion won't disappear after one night, then I highly doubt that people will be running to the courts and charging their ex-lovers. The two people can consciously engage in a dialogue that seeks to repair the damage done. It's a possibility. A hope.
A sexual experience might have a lot of conditions attached to it, but it's after this experience when the two people might have forgotten each other's names or might have moved onto others that the true nature and power of unconditional love can be witnessed in the loving care, kindness, and ongoing support and friendship these two people give to each other.
Please keep people living with HIV out of the prisons. Love and support them, and help create a world free of stigma and discrimination.
According to a recent publication of the Ontario AIDS Network:
(1) 32% of people believe incorrectly that HIV can be transmitted through kissing
(2) 29% believe incorrectly that HIV can be transmitted through a mosquito bite
(3) 26% would feel uncomfortable working in an office where someone developed HIV/AIDS
(4) 49% say that they would feel uncomfortable using a restaurant drinking glass once used by a person living with HIV/AIDS
(5) 20% do not believe in supporting the rights of people living with HIV/AIDS
In Canada:
- at least 97 people have been charged with HIV non-disclosure and convictions.
- since 2003 there has been an average of 10 cases per year.
- at least 59 people have been convicted.
- in 24 cases a person was convicted even though there was no HIV transmission alleged to have taken place.
- almost 90% of the people convicted have gone to jail.
- white people make up about 30% of people charged. Black people make up almost 25%. Aboriginal and other people make up about 6%. It is unknown the race and ethnicity of the other people charged.
- Ontario leads Canada with at least 47 cases and 31 convictions.
In Canada, a person living with HIV who does not disclose his or her status to a sex partner can be convicted of the Criminal Code offence of aggravated assault even when a sex partner does not become infected with HIV. Parliament did not change the Criminal Code to include an HIV/AIDS-specific crime.
People living with HIV in Canada face stigma and discrimination. HIV disclosure can lead to loss of privacy, employment, housing, friends and family, and sometimes lead to violence. The criminal law does not recognize this reality.
Even when a court finds a person not guilty, his or her life may have already been destroyed. A photo or medical information may have been reported in the media. Before a trial takes place he or she has been judged "guilty" in the court of public opinion. And he or she may have spent many months in jail awaiting trial.
The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) recognized a limited role for the criminal law, in cases of intentional transmission - where a person knows his or her HIV-positive status, acts with the intention to transmit HIV, and successfully transmits HIV. UNAIDS also takes the position that the criminal law should not be applied where an HIV-positive person took reasonable measures to reduce risk of transmission, such as practising safer sex by using a condom or taking other precautions to avoid high-risk sexual acts.
Against this pervasive lack of sensitivity in the legal system and in the public realm, people living with HIV must open themselves to the threat of public exposure and the consequences that such a breach of privacy can bring: shaming, discrimination, humiliation, isolation, loss of friends, loss of family, incredible stress and anxiety, and so many more debilitating activities and emotions. It can all drive a person living with HIV to harm him or herself or to harm others or be harmed by others.
It also appears that the onus of guilt and blame rests solely on the poz person. A telling quote from Justice Edwin Cameron on the criminalization of HIV transmission reveals what the legal system and the apparent victims of HIV exposure never allow themselves to see in cases where sexual activity was mutually agreed upon by both parties.
"One wonders whether the ensuing public debate leaves space for asking who the accused's sexual partners were and what responsibility they take, 28 years after HIV became a known reality on the continent of North America, for having unprotected sex with him/her. The mediaeval dynamics of public shaming, of gross but partial community condemnation, and of crudely emotive responses instead of considered reactions do not seem too far away."
In my estimation, neither the accused nor his/her accusers win. Both parties are further isolated from the other, thereby closing off all opportunities to speak openly and honestly. The accused gets demonized. Also, humankind in trying times will often look to another to blame instead of taking responsibility for their own choices. Of course, sex for the people I'm referring to was mutual; what really needed to happen before the two people jumped into risky behaviour was to negotiate the terms of sexual activity, and understand why they chose to overlook protective measures to reduce the chances of transmission - HIV and other STIs.
In this day and age, you'd think we'd all be enlightened enough to communicate with our lovers freely about our sexual preferences but if our education system does not give kids the chance to learn about sex and safe sex and be open about expressing their budding sexualities, then how are they ever going to communicate about sex in their adult lives?
Furthermore, the lack of HIV/AIDS education and awareness in our communities is appalling. People continue to fear disclosing their HIV status to their loved ones and peer groups, who in turn, still hold onto exaggerated and false claims about HIV transmission, not bothering to educate themselves on the advances in scientific and medical research.
Why do people choose to remain in the dark? So many factors: religious, cultural, social, political, historical...All of these certainly play out in any sexual relationship between consenting adults.
AIDS service organizations might serve the practical needs of a person living with HIV and may offer a lot of support in other ways too, but they can never replace the sincere care and concern of a friend or family member. People living with HIV who have the support of their loved ones and are fully open about their status have a far greater chance of living longer, more fully, and more at peace with the past that brought them to HIV.
But the ones who are still struggling are frequently the ones who are still in hiding. Why are they still in hiding? Because they don't want to bring shame on themselves and their loved ones; because they don't want to place the burden of care on their loveds one; because they've already been shunned by their loved ones.
Without home or hope, the rejected find ways to survive the lack of love and acceptance in their lives; they will hide their heads in guilt and in pain.
The law on HIV transmission is still very ambiguous. But what doesn't have to be ambiguous are our feelings for the people we love. If we learn to have sex responsibly with respect and trust, and with the knowledge that there is caring and compassion and that the level of caring and compassion won't disappear after one night, then I highly doubt that people will be running to the courts and charging their ex-lovers. The two people can consciously engage in a dialogue that seeks to repair the damage done. It's a possibility. A hope.
A sexual experience might have a lot of conditions attached to it, but it's after this experience when the two people might have forgotten each other's names or might have moved onto others that the true nature and power of unconditional love can be witnessed in the loving care, kindness, and ongoing support and friendship these two people give to each other.
Please keep people living with HIV out of the prisons. Love and support them, and help create a world free of stigma and discrimination.
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